You know when you feel kind of sorry that a man likes you but their efforts to get your attention are way below your high standards so much so that you rather act keen and eager in hopes he’ll give up the chase naturally on his own rather than having to explain how hard it is going to be for him to get such a hotter than hell chance with you (again)?
As Dua Lipa says in her song “I’m not here to make you kneel but it’s praise that I get”. If I were a man seriously interested in one of these women I would be quickly trying to figure out how to offer a women such an experience that any kind of attention seeking attempts from other males would look childish and kind of ridiculous to what she’s experiencing with you already, making it hard for her to ever want to leave you.
These guys may not try to offend you with their ridiculous low effort attempts to win your attention or your time…but you ought to be aware that other women have allowed them in that easily and therefore these men have no clue why that is definitely not working with you. Remember that the majority of women out there drop everything just for a little bit of attention. And it’s ok if these men like or want it that way. These guys are just definitely not the ones you want and it’s important to notice this in order to avoid wasting your time with the wrong ones.
He could have had you but he chickened out and disappered? Did he ghost you? Don’t worry, he’ll come back when you’ve moved on completely.
This song is very good to deal with those emotions of “he’s such a coward, selfish, insecure, etc ” whilst he comes back or whilst you actually allow him or not to contact you again, because perhaps he never left but you just cut him off because him trying to breadcrumb you or just give a tiny wee of his attention to keep you going was kind of offensive to your sense of self-worth and self-respect. And women you should always choose respect over attention. Boundaries… that’s what you’ve got to put.
And when he comes back, THINK again.
“what do I want with him now? Do I just want him to leave me alone? (basically what we know as ignoring him and moving on) Do I want to see if this time we could handle the situation better and he falls madly in love with me? (play to win his devotion) Do I want to bury the hatchet? (accept, forgive and let him win at losing you for good).
SO NOW YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE AMONG THESE OPTIONS
1. Play to win his devotion… just to satisfy your hurt ego or something like that.
THINK; Only play games if you’re single, bored and unattached to the end result. Or if you like me are planning to live off coaching people into getting the relationships they want and just want to test their theories on them. ;P
As long as you are doing this for pure entertainment, fun or training purposes knowing you can lose them then you have nothing to lose and perhaps tons to learn from it.
A lot of men come back because they like drama, some just like girls revolving around them to raise their egos, others like you but are not confident enough to approach you and they chicken out, others just think you’re easy to fall prey of their games… plus any other reasons they could have that we’re not aware of.
Only you know how much you have showed him that whatever behaviour that messed up the connection in the past is not welcomed at all and you have set your boundaries clear to ensure he does respect your time and attention now.
I hope by the time he returns to your life you have reached that wild and dangerous emotional and economical independence that will you grounded on your current priorities rather than on men. So by now you would have raised your standards so high that most men will feel intimated by your personal power and your standards are near impossible to meet for the average guy who just wants to waste your time that you will magically earn the label of “bad bitch”. Some men out there love a woman who represents a challenge so much so that they treat the women they later claim to want as disposable toys. So eventually most women will end up raising their standards as high as they’ve been treated before. So if having high standards barely anyone can meet turns you into a bad bitch, oh well, don’t know about you but I’m a proud one then.
So as mentioned above… if you’re confident you want to come out and play for a little while here is a song of Taylor that can teach you how. Alternatively I’ve seen every game under the sun and you can book a coaching session with me to get those men to actually fall at your feet if that’s what you want.
However….. before you let the games begin perhaps you should …..
THINK AGAIN: Does that guy actually deserve any of my time and energy? Do I even get paid for this emotional rollercoaster I might end up involved in? what do I even get out of this?”. Answer honestly to yourself. In my case these days I rather be treated like pure liquid gold and the queen I am being but perhaps I would like to indulge into it for didactic and improving my coaching purposes or to not limit myself on experiences in life. However… my standards won’t let me. Afer all my mantra is “if a man wants me badly enough he’ll find a way to step up to my high standards and make it work, until there is such a man out there I would rather focus on work”.
Remember playing games can be incredibly frustrating and could turn seriously addictive and you may regret ending up feeling like Kerli sings in the song below.
I prefer to be good but sometimes I’m better at being bad when they seem to want to play with that side of me.
We can be bad together for a little while, why not?
However bear in mind usually these type of men are either insecure, emotionally unavailable, players or all the previous rolled into one.
So before playing being bad together THINK AGAIN:
“Do I even want this guy totally head over heels in love with me when I’m not even sure I want him for the long run? can I even avoid it when I’m single and looking to have some fun? Am I breaking their heart if they pretend they’re ok with a FWB relationship until you change their mind? am I breaking their heart if they end up totally in love with me when they realize I’m unlike any other woman they have met before? Surely it’s their fault if they understimated my value from the beginning. I’m honest and clear about my intentions and goals. They just break their own hearts by thinking they can end up melting my heart or changing my mind about my plans and goals….. oh well, that’s not my fault, is it?”.
So be careful because when you are one of my kind of wild woman… You could turn into his end game and break their hearts.
First meaningful boyfriend I ended up having was just like this. We hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers on purpose for about three months since we first met each other and kissed by the end of that first night because he was single and ohhh so proud to be single and that suited me wonderfully at that time. I chose him only because of his willingness not to commit to anything as I knew I was confident too I wanted to be single for specific purposes and goals some months down the line. But for some reason he didn’t believe me or ended up way more in love with me than he had ever experienced in his life before.
So these days I just keep guys at bay because I’m still confident my goals and my life plans are my biggest priority in life.
See?… you would be doing the same as these men did with me (he hasn’t been the only one… he’s one of several who fell in deep).
I know the games and I have won them thanks to me not even caring if I did, just being my usual detached fun to be with self. I am naturally just that unbothered but what they do or where my bold moves lead me. I could play them and I could win them. But do I want to play? Hell no, I no longer have energy for that. I have better things to do with my time and energy than playing games these days.
If you’re single and you still want him then ignore anything that comes from him that is not the kind of attentions you would like to receive from him. But be ready to lose, some men don’t even have got the brains to work out different approaches, others don’t have the willingness or the patience to find out about you enough to figure you out.
If he doesn’t try harder honestly he’s not for you anyway, you want a true genius not an idiot, not a player and not a total waste of time. So don’t dare lower your standards to accomodate to his inefficient or low investment efforts, unless you are an emotionally detached single coach and willing to ensure your teachings are still 100% accurate like I do from time to time.
So sometimes I pretend I take the bait just to ensure men still work the same way. Lol. Oh…. that’s fun sometimes but sometimes my pride won’t let me follow through till the end and I have to end up blocking them for good. I’m not easily accesible for lame easy low investment games these days I must admit.
And I know my standards are sort of extremely high but I would not take any less… they will have to either work their way up to meet them organically or the guy is not even worth my time, energy and attention. Nevermind how much hotter than hell it could be if they actually did manage. The actions of most don’t impress me much either way.
If a man doesn’t want me to play around with their hearts they should treat me right from the get go. But if by any chance they start disrespecting my time or myself trying to string me along as if I were some kind of second option or back-up plan despite myself warning them I’m not that kind of woman… then they had it coming.
And if they regret having treated me that way then they’re gonna have to put a hell lot of an effort to turn the situation around. And if them playing games wasn’t intentional they would have no issue in being honest, open and vulnerable for real, they would have no issue in calling to apologize for their confussing or misleading behaviour. But a narcissist or a playboy would never do that because admitting they’re wrong it’s something they can’t conceive at all. But until that happens if it happens I’ll cut them off once I finally had my fun.
2 If you want to be left alone or at peace
So if you like me are confident that you are bored of games and you prefer meeting men who are real brave men and confident of what they want is you then listen to this song of Dua Lipa again below and even dedicate it to them when they start chasing after you again.
And no…. I don’t care if such a man lands on my blog and reads this. I am passionate about sharing my knowledge about this topic so less women have to suffer due to these women not thinking rationally and logically.
I’m kidding… that kind of song may seem may be perceived as a challenge by a game player.
3. Be honest and scare them away
Best option to get rid of these guys that keep reappearing after they’ve messed up or ghosted you in the past is:
Option A. Express your feelings
This approach saves you so much time and effort.
Peace of mind is priceless… if you say what you’re feeling… there is nothing to hide… there is nothing for them to play with. Is there? What do you want? my attention? my time? my feelings? I’ll pretend you have it all for a brief while and that will scare the hell out of you”
It’s also the bravest approach out there to find out what type of man he actually is. Win-win situation for you. They either make a move or they’ll leave you alone thinking that they’ve got you.
So send them something like this and make them think they’ve got the power and control of how the thing it’s gonna go. Hahahaah only you know your heart it’s been so superglued already that it’s kind of elastic and resistant and hard to let anyone in the easy way ;D.
But after all, what we want is them to think they have us so we can go back to our daily lives not being disturbed by their offensive lame weak displays of interest in us for a while without having to block them to keep control of our attention and energy. These days I have tried it only for training purposes and wow…. no. I can’t. I’ve levelled up too high to let them think I’m here for whenever they want me. The thing either goes my way or won’t go any other way. I’m bossy like that and they’ve got to put far more effort for it to work .
Option B is to pose an ultimatum the Halsey way. And yes. It’s effective in making them make a move… but read below why this has negative side effects.
THINK: these moves may inspire them to take action. But is that how you want to take action? just want him to choose you because he’s forced to make a decision? That’s actually a red flag you’ll regret not having seen years later. Love can’t be forced, if it has to be forced then it’s not worth having. Set an amount of days by which he should contact you back and if he doesn’t come back with plans then leave him out on the cold on his own. Don’t even warn him. Just do it.
And listening to Halsey again…. you should actually only be focusing on men who are the kind type. The ones who will open up about their feelings for you. Trust me, you want the ones that will be confident and brave enough to be vulnerable.
Just make a decision of how long you’ll let him have to impress you and if he doesn’t do that in that time frame then game is over for him or over until he naturally figures out or exceeds your expectations. Now… don’t think of months and years. Here we are talking about taking action in less than a week. Life moves fast and there is no time to waste on the wrong ones.
I’m not up for just anyone these days so I cut off all easy roads to me. Those willing to get to know me better will have to put a hell of an effort into being noticed and those who decide to take me for granted if I do… will be cut off too. Only for guys who exceed my expectations of how I want to be treated will be welcomed to spend some time with. There are some brave wild guys out there who will put the effort in to deserve your time and attention no matter what. And if I have found them with my super high standards so will you with these basic ones I recommend each single woman to have. ;D
Don’t be afraid to dismiss chemistry and reject his low investment efforts, don’t be afraid of him letting you down. You need that for you to realize he’s not worth your while. And yes… if they aim to play with you, I guess you’re allowed to play them back.
It’s certainly gonna demand a lot of them to win such a second opportunity and most of them will easily give up when the chase gets this hard. Great! That’s also what we want. Them to give up. I don’t wanna date or entertain losers; not even for a non-committed one night stand which is all I’m actually available to entertain these days ;D.
And like Dua Lipa says “If we don’t fuck this whole thing up (with power and control moves) then guaranteed I can blow your mind”. I guess they intuitively know that. Otherwise they wouldn’t be coming back for more.
And who knows if they catch me lonely and free at the right time and they put quite some effort in…. we could levitate.