Crazy LAW-ra

Well… as I’ve said on last week’s blog entry… I’m planning to have my business, time management and belongings 100% under control this year.

So for me that means… no relationships. This approach to relationships may seem harsh and dramatic to some people but relationships and social media takes a lot of my time because when I’m into something I want to be giving my 100% and if for whatever reason that is not possible… then I’m out.

After all, with a business to run and two children to feed and not forgetting a flat to keep clean … I can rarely find the time to actually have a proper relationship.

I know… I’m all black and white thinking I’m afraid. Most feel like they really need a relationship to be themselves. In my case I guess it’s a crazy lawra thing to do. But I am more willing to succeed when I’m on my own.

I guess back in the day I confused my gut instinct telling me I was not the kind of person to be fit for marriage and kids with a “fear of committment” attitude.

And me, already being the fearLESS person I was… I decided to conquer that which seemed like a limit to what I was able or not to do. Like why not? I would see how far I can go. I guess I should have listened to my gut instinct a lot better and I didn’t, however I did a great job at it… I mean, I tried for years to end the marriage in a respectful and cordial and out of love way. Like… honouring that we loved each other but it just didn’t work. But he didn’t want to end it and I guess me feeling captive without his approval to end things yet not improving the toxic behaviours that were arising would definitely cause the harm and sour divorce experience he was claiming desperatedly to avoid, yet provoking it by not setting me free when he knew I wasn’t happy at all in it.

So yes…  it seems these days most men are perfectly capable to handle themselves on their own but as soon as they get in a committed relationship they confuse their girlfriends/partners with their mothers or household cleaner and that of mothering a man that isn’t actually mine to raise I consider not among my priorities at all and it’s reportedly the major cause of stress for a married woman I find it near to impossible I would settle down with anyone ever again.


And I don’t want to be successful  in a relationship.

And of course no dating apps no chatting with strangers on facebook at all.

NO??. Why not?

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. And most guys seem to be just time wasters or they simply suck at flirting/dating. And I know there are some super loving and worth dating guys out there too who deserve all my attention based on their massive efforts just to be with me or share my little spare time. So if I had any spare time to kill at all, trust me, I would choose among those. And even those have very limited access to me. OH NO!!

Adapting the letters of Marina to my specific situation I guess I would say “cause I was made to feel the worse so I will show them I’m the best”.  ;P

Besides, my dating or relationship standards have always been slightly higher than average but these days they’re even higher than they’ve ever been before. So yes… I’m afraid unreacheable and impossible is where is at right now to get to know me.

Not because I’m being conceited in any way… no. Just because I have decided just to prioritize myself and my goals. Having a relationship is not one of them. Once I get where or who I want to be professionally I may soften my grip a bit on this sense. But I seriously doubt it. I love being single a little bit too much to lower my standards in the future or let myself be trapped in yet another relationship.

So… excuse me if I completely ignore your “hi”s on facebook that don’t impress me much at all. There are some guys who treat me like an absolute queen and if I were to spend some little spare time left those men would be the only ones I would entertain.

There are only two men who may get to date me because they belong to my fearLESS goals and funnily and luckily enough they’re either not interested at all, intimidated or in a relationship (and those I wouldn’t date at all anyway) so I think they will pose no threat to my goals at all and for them to do so they would have to put a lot of work for me to even date them.

So it’s better just to keep the impossible standard I’ve set it up for myself right now to make sure I accomplish my professional and personal growth goals.

And yes… I don’t put up with less than I feel I deserve and sometimes they shock me with way more… but I guess we all deserve what we thing we’re worth.

And yes… I tend to get what I want too, relationships and men included.

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