The Best Damn Thing

Well… there is nothing music can’t help you overcome!!

I’m currently addicted to this song.

Have you recently broken up or your relationship it’s on the rocks? fed up of threatening to leave hoping they’ll start taking you seriously and put the effort that they stopped putting a long time ago?

Stop it. Play this song instead.

You’re wasting your time, just pack your stuff and go, or take actions to ensure they go because it rarely gets better…you’ll just spend the rest of your life reminding them your boundaries, the way you think they should treat you, so on and so forth.

Chances are that if they haven’t listened to you and made changes necessary to respect your boundaries by now they will never do.  And nor should you live your life waiting for them to do so. Some people are just not good enough.

Sometimes some were good enough before but you outgrew them as soon as you realized your worth.

And play this song while you finish making up your mind or actually whilst walking away or all the days prior and after making your decision.

If you are really worth it that man will be wanting you back at all costs. But don’t dare go back when they haven’t made anything that really means they have listened to your requests to solve the problem or made a dramatic change to show you how much they actually listened to your words or valued your input as how to solve your relationship.

And then sing aloud … “not today, not tomorrow”

And even if they’ve done changes, once you’re single and alone, do you really want to go back to someone who has already proved they are not worth your time and effort?

Do you want to go back to someone who may have slut-shame you because he didn’t know how to take responsibility for their lack of love or support? Oh in that case I would say “not today, not tomorrow, NOT EVER”. They say you don’t know a person until you break up with them. And if you break up and they go calling you a whore for moving on… then you know that person actually never ever respected you at all.

Because regardless of what they say to you out of frustration, if they want you back it’s obviously because you’re the best damn thing they’ve ever had. Otherwise they would be celebrating you left. Wouldn’t they? However you should never go back to someone has no problem in throwing such comments about your reputation or worth all the while trying to hoover you back into the relationship. I mean… if he says such mean things about you now trying to get you back? what would they not say if you do actually go back to them? What you allow will continue.

Any relationship worth going back to it’s one in which the man truly apologizes, takes full ownership for their mistake, waits patiently and respects your decision, whether he likes it or not. A relationship worth having it’s one in which such partner does actually what you deemed it was necessary to help sort the issues in the relationship instead of continuously avoid doing so whilst claiming how much he loves you but can’t help himself from doing mistakes you should forgive and forget. However the best apology for any mistake it’s corrected or improved behaviour. Perhaps if they do it’s worth your while to try again. I only trust patterns so I needed three months of proof they had truly changed and they weren’t able to even behave properly for a week.

Life it’s too short to beg for the love or the attention you deserve. However I’ve been there and done that, so here I am to tell you that it’s definitely not worth waiting hoping one day they’ll act on their words or improve their game.

So eventually, I had no other choice but to leave, I swear I originally left hoping he would realize what he was losing and eventually putting the effort of being consistent at being nice, no need to be overly critical and hurtful at all, no need trying to bring down those you claim to love, and so on.

However and like the song goes…

What goes around comes around…

And funnily enough the guy who could see only existed in my twisted delusional mind seems to have made an appearance in real life. 

So yes, all my ever so high standards and apparently impossible to meet expectations turn out aren’t that difficult to fulfill for this other person I’m not even in are a relationship with.

Hell what? how did that happen? guys like that aren’t supposed to exist!!. They only exist in rom coms, books and in my delusional mind!!

Even if I am not making time to date and I want to remain single for as long as possible this guy has found a way to get a space in my busy single mother-of-two and extremely busy entrepeneur agenda (which isn’t that difficult to figure out, but perhaps he’s smarter than average for figuring that out, and I like him even more for that trait). And not only that, he’s surpassing any expectations I’ve ever had of men and how to be treated.

But wow… isn’t it amazing to find out that those guys do actually exist??

So please, if you are in a relationship where they’re making you feel like you’re asking too much, and you know you only want them to show you how much they want this relationship to work with facts and behavioural patterns that improve the relationship, instead of trying to bring you down, just trust your gut instinct and follow it.

Yes, it might be true, my standards and expectations might be way too demanding and it may feel impossible for anyone to accomplish such love, respect, appreciation and attention I feel I deserve, but guess what? I don’t mind being alone at all if such it’s not given.


So, remember, when they tell you “you expect too much and give too little” so you feel like defending yourself, instead of trying to get into such situation, smile, turn around and wave bye-bye.

Because they are only talking about from their own limitations or what they are willing to give you, which most times it’s less and less until breadcrumbs should make you even feel grateful for whatever breadcrumbs come your way or make you feel ungrafetul if whatever little they attempt it’s not good enough. Then will try to blame you for making them feel incompetent. Seems they have it all figured out and they can’t conceive other people actually being loving and giving because they’re uncapable of doing so themselves.

They don’t possibly know how other people think and work on their relationships. Or perhaps they are just not capable of doing better themselves, but remember that yes, other people do know how to make you feel cherished, appreciated and like you deserve the world on a consistent basis.

Now, I do not wish the ex any bad, In fact I only wish him healing. Because it must suck to be like they are. Claiming they want something and doing the complete opposite to achieve such loving results.

I’m just sharing this piece of knowledge/experience in hopes it helps other women (like I know it did yesterday) in similar dead-end toxic relationships so people can live their lives abuse-free.

Yes, you can put up with it, but resigning and putting up with less than what I think I deserve is not how I intended to live the rest of my life. Yes I risked all the relationship and financial security in order to follow my gut and motherly instinct and so far it’s turned GREAT!!

I know I’m way braver than the average woman out there, fear of losing everything physical does not scare me. Fear of losing company doesn’t scare me either, I’ve been single far too many years in my youth to know what peace of mind and mentally balanced feels like and I would not risk my mental health trying to argue things I know I’m experiencing but they’re denying.

Wasting my energy, youth and passion in a mediocre relationship and teaching my children the wrong things about love and acting against my own philosophy is not how I planned to live my life.

So, I’ve put my ex’s love to the biggest test ever, fearing not the end result. I needed to know how much did he really love me. Most people fear reality checks like these.

It was sad he didn’t love me bad enough to show up consistency in a good healthy behaviour for long enough to seduce me back again. No. He didn’t even attempt seeking professional help to try and understand why would he sabotage the very things he claimed to love with all his heart and how has his behaviour made him lose it, again.

This is not how I planned my life to go at all, sometimes I wish it’s all a bad nightmare, and I wished we could raise our two children together as a family, but when your mental health it’s constantly challenged it’s impossible to do so.

This time around I won’t let a couple of blissful months fool me and I will only pay attention to actions and patterns.

However, knowing that it’s not the case, I enjoy my Queendoom and I’m delighted and enjoying the benefits of having such an awesome attitude to being single again whilst having found someone who truly cherishes me and treats me like I deserve the absolute world in actions and loving patterns.

Like and want my attitude after a divorce or a break-up?

Come and ask me for a list of brand new single man or woman tunes. And I’ll pass you songs which help you see these things in a positive light. 

How do I master such an attitude?

See, I don’t let the failed marriage behind my back define me. I sleep perfectly at night because I’m completely aware that I tried to make to my marriage work in every single way possible, in fact I never saw it ending, I hoped somehow he would step up and become the person he claimed he wanted to be for me but wasn’t, but he never did.

To me, everything it’s a win or a lesson. This relationship turned out to be a lesson, the next one might be a win, who knows.

But something is for sure, I love my time alone and the more you love it the less you need from any other person.

So basically, I don’t need a man to make me happy or feel complete, I get off doing my thing. But if he brings joy and light to share then I may want him occassionally until he stops doing so. But currently working on my own to earn everything I want to have.

Being in love with yourself and your solitude makes you intimidating to most guys, but seems an irresistible and addictive as hell trait to the right men.

So fear not to be as picky and exquisite as you want on your demands, because if someone actually meets them then you’re in for a super sweet treat whether you want it or not :D. Remember, they have all the things you could possibly ever wanted when make your long list of demands hoping nobody will actually meet them so you remain single and at peace for longer,

Keep your head, your crown and your standards even higher. It feels great when someone temporarily insists on meeting them!! totally guaranteed.

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