Who am I?
I think I was born this way, but for a short period of time (that felt neverending) I was painfully unaware of true human nature. I grew up feeling no envy nor jealousy. I never felt the need to compare myself to other people. So the thought that people were comparing themselves to me, consciously or unconsciously, didn’t even cross my mind.
Little I knew there were people who could feel threatened, intimidated and/or jealous of me being my natural fun assertive self with my natural fearless and positive attitude towards life.
These people did their best to make me feel painfully aware there was apparently something wrong with me, yet there was never something wrong with me, I was born the way I was supposed to be, there was something terribly wrong with them though if me being and doing “me” irritated their envy or insecurity demons.
It must have hurt them that I had a mind of my own and most likely I was too focused on my own stuff to even notice what was going on with them, so I guess they had to make themselves noticeable.
But yes, me knowing I had no bad intentions and me never envying anyone I couldn’t even begin to understand what had I done to get all that undeserved bullying in and out of school. Honestly, it took me like 5 years and some well intentioned opinions from genuinely good people to realize I was fucking powerful and actually envied for it.
Finding the steps I followed to get out of that funk of being hated or attacked for no motive whatsoever wasn’t precisely an overnight process. Back in the 90s there was no easy and free access to internet and internet wasn’t like we know it to be today. It took me a fair good amount of literature books, observation, trial and error together with a lot of willingness to survive to make it this far. Trust me, I know your darkness.
However – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! And just like coal particles under unberable amounts of pressure I went through the process to actually discovering what they were seeing in me that I was too blind to see for myself and slowly but surely I became aware of my diamond hard core.
Why am I actually doing this?
I wish I could spare that hard process for as many people as possible. And while that must be impossible, I want to empower as many people as I can
How? By spreading the message that each one of us is unique and different therefore there is no need to compete for anything at all. Each individual has an unique set of skills and talents, and some just haven’t found them yet because they’re too busy hating on the ones who have already discovered theirs.
I would also want people to take more conscious decisions regarding their future based on what they truly want and not based on the fear of not meeting other people’s expectations of them. That’s another culprit as to why most people live passionless and boringly depressive lives that often end up in suicide, crime or substance abuse.
I know this because I myself could have fallen victim of such negative thinking and either committed suicide or neglected myself to the thought that I am chronically ill with two invisible illnesses whose symptoms make me appear like this fun lazy queen of chaos I currently am to most people and I could have just resigned myself to the fact that I would never have control over my life, that I’m prone to be depressed, overweight and useless. But actually, I’m living proof that perhaps you can make out of life just whatever you want just by owning the right attitude. More about me and how I did it here.
Needless to say that with the right attitude you can always make conscious decisions on what to work on the rest of your life and create a life that you need no vacation from. That’s what I consider a successful life. And at that I’ve succeeded so far. And now I just want to help other people do the same.
That’s my next dream, that’s what I aim to with my online course “Find your wild side” Online program. You can purchase it online and do it prior to booking a wild session with me or you can get it for free when you book a Find Your Wild Side Photoshoot.