Who am I?
I think I was born this way, but for a short period of time – that felt neverending – I was painfully unaware of human nature. I grew up feeling no envy or jealousy. I never felt the need to compare myself to other people.
And the thought that people were comparing themselves to me, consciously or unconsciously, didn’t even cross my mind. I was painfully unaware about self-awareness and the effect I cause on people.
Little I knew there were people who could feel threatened, intimidated and/or jealous of me being my natural fun assertive self with my powerful attitude towards life.
These people did their best to make me feel painfully aware there was apparently something wrong with me, there was never something wrong with me, I was born the way I was supposed to be, there was something terribly wrong with them though if me being and doing “me” irritated their envy or insecurity demons.
It must have hurt them that I had a mind of my own and most likely I was too focused on my own stuff to notice them, so they had to make thesmselves noticeable.
But yes, me knowing I had no bad intentions and me never envying anyone I couldn’t even begin to understand what had I done to get all that undeserved bullying in and out of school. Honestly, it took me like 5 years and some external opinion to realize I was fucking powerful and actually envied for it.
Finding the steps I followed to get out of that funk wasn’t precisely an overnight process. Back in the 90s there was no easy and free access to internet and internet wasn’t like it is today. It took me a fair good amount of literature books, observation, trial and error together with a lot of willingness to survive to make it this far. Trust me, I know your darkness.
However – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! And just like coal particles under unberable amounts of pressure I went through the process to actually discovering what they were seeing in me that I was too blind to see for myself and, slowly but surely, I became aware of my diamond hard core.
Why am I actually doing this?
I wish I could spare that hard process for as many people as possible. And while that must be impossible, I want to empower as many people as I can
How? By spreading the message that each one of us is unique and different therefore there is no need to compete for anything at all. Each individual has an unique set of skills and talents, and some just haven’t found them yet because they’re too busy hating on the ones who have already discovered theirs.
I would also want people to take more conscious decisions regarding their future based on what they truly want and not based on the fear of not meeting other people’s expectations of them. That’s another culprit as to why most people live passionless and boringly depressive lives that often end up in suicide, crime or substance abuse.
I know this because I myself could have fallen victim of such negative thinking and either committed suicide or neglected myself to the thought that I am chronically ill with two invisible illnesses whose symptoms make me appear like this fun lazy queen of chaos I currently am to most people and I could have just resigned myself to the fact that I would never have control over my life, that I’m prone to be depressed, overweight and useless. But actually, I’m living proof that perhaps you can make out of life just whatever you want just by owning the right attitude. More about me and how I did it here.
Needless to say that with the right attitude you can always make conscious decisions on what to work on the rest of your life and create a life that you need no vacations from. That’s what I consider a successful life. And at that I’ve succeeded so far. And now I just want to help other people do the same.
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes”. Walt Whitman.
Despite of all the handicaps as an unaware ADHD sufferer I managed somehow to pass school, highschool and even university with some great marks but I consider it mostly “fluke”. I hold a master degree in English and I currently enjoy teaching English conversation skills to my little students whose parents I can choose and adore as clients and that’s what I love about being my own boss.
Somehow I ended up getting married and having kids, and I say “somehow” because I never thought of myself like a future wife or mum. But then, again, I like exploring outside of my comfort zone. And as usual, great things come from stepping outside of my comfort zone and my children are completely adorable and I absolutely love being their mum. So extremely pleased with the outcome of the marriage even if marriage wasn’t all that succesful because, as I should have guessed, I’m too emotionally detached and financially independent to put up with some stuff I don’t think I have to put up with.
Despite so much bullying at school (and out of it) for years apparently for being extremely ugly I’ve also been model of fliers, inspiration to plenty of other artists, a successful party dj whenever necessary, a comissioned model, photographer and co-producer in a shared project as a videographer and band photographer. Basically, whatever I wanted to sell things as I’ve managed so far. And now I’m currently trying to use my photographic skills and my image style coaching in order to help and empower other wild dreamers to get closer to achieving their dreams.
That’s my next dream, that’s what I aim to with my online course “Find your wild side” Online program. You can purchase it online and do it prior to booking a wild session with me or you can get it for free when you book a Find Your Wild Side Photoshoot.