I don’t have relationships just for the sake of company, status or comfort.

Despite of my alternative taste in music and my fondness for black gothic looking garments I’m a naturally happy person on my own and I don’t like to indulge in unnecessary pain or drama. So if in a relationship work is not invested on both sides I literally see no point in having a relationship at all.

You know when you’re in a relationship and you start noticing a pattern…. like an annoying mismatch in what you see and what you hear, another one in what they say they want and what they actually do to get it? Know the feeling? well… when that happens remember to always trust your eyes and focus on the actions of what they do. The sooner you do the better.

Sadly there are some people who are all sugar coated with sweet promises but they don’t do anything to follow through with what they say they want for you both. If only you didn’t complain about the ways in which they constantly try to bring you down in an effort to make you dependent of their opinion/their approval your relationship would be just perfect. But you happen to be intelligent enough to realize they’re in denial of the pain they try to inflict on you. 

I definitely don’t like the way they way they lie nor the way it hurts. Even if they were in denial and completely unaware of their behaviour, the end result it’s the same for you. Something is just not quite right if they can stand there and watch you burn (sometimes some men are as sadistic as setting their wives on fire literally).

And why do you burn? All of a sudden all you have is excuses and lies as to why they don’t put in the work. They’re sabotagging themselves and the relationship even further each time they don’t care about keeping their promises. However… in the song above the male character is perfectly aware that he’s lying time and time again.

And they’ll keep disrespecting you, pushing your buttons, crossing your already well defined boundaries until the beast inside of you (who will no tolerate any bs) comes out and play so later they can also say “your temper is as bad as mine, we’re perfect for each other”. Well, if they need to get the worst out of you it’s because they’re aware they don’t deserve the best of you. They’re just trying to bring you down to their level. And you know you hate yourself  after each time you fall for such mind games.

They may even have the audacity to tell you that you can’t expect them to make you happy. That’s your job indeed. However, nevermind how happy you are on your own and how happy you wake up in the mornings being with them trying to ignore all what’s going on. The truth is that you are perfeclty aware that it’s them who are constantly trying to swipe off that beautiful smile off your face with an ugly remark here and there, an unkind action or any sort of passive aggressive behaviour to make you feel bad.

I’m so happy I don’t need security or estability as much as I need my self-respect intact. Nor should you. And yes, perhaps my standards are too high and I’m a high-maintenance woman (a.k.a bossy, a bitch or a whore) but I’d rather be called that and be abuse-free than tolerate lies, disrespect, belittling, gaslighting or cruel negative remarks passed as unsolicited constructive criticism in the name of love. Love is nothing of that.

And none of the above is necessary for the soul that doesn’t depend on anyone to be happy and content on their own. 

And it’s ok if people like living in a lie and don’t want to admit they’re so unhappy with themselves that they would rather call your attention in negative ways because your happiness pisses them off and they hate not being able to control your emotions as they wished they day before. But keeping you captive in such a relationship making you feel like you’re the bad one of the two it’s a total different kind of animal.  A relationship that could be ended easily if they wanted to but somehow they refuse to end it and free themselve from it? It makes no sense to me they would want to be abused.

It’s not ok at all that they created a fake persona to lure you in and then, once you’re in deep they display the actual insecure persona they really are expecting you to love them. Had you previously seen that ugly side of them… would you had fallen for them? Probably not. You fell in love with something that doesn’t exist and that it won’t be found again once they display their true colours, or something that would only be displayed when they fear you might leave. If their true colours were lovely… why would they feel the need to hide them until you’re secured? 

Needless to say nothing is as obvious as it seems when you’re with these people, by the time you realize they had been hiding their true colours or lying about their true intentions it’s a bit too late and you’re totally in.

And when you tell them it’s over and they still don’t change their unhealthy ways.  Well, that’s the best sign that your relationship it’s finally over. Do you want someone who only shows you they appreciate you when they feel threatened you’re going to leave for good? I don’t think you would like that type of love.

The smartest thing you can do.. is just to let go of that person at the first signs that the other person not being consistent with their actions and affections. Pay close attention to this fact and never entertain such dynamics. If they don’t love you the way you need to be loved now don’t fight to be loved that way. Just leave and find someone who is actually fighting for a chance to love you the right way. 

Perhaps it’s easier for me to close the book and move on into a different book when I feel the book has turned out to be dramatically predictable and I no longer enjoy reading it. Follow that link above if you want to know or work on ways in which you will never find yourself a victim of abusive relationships. But really, all you need to do is try to leave that book where you found it as soon as possible.

When you’re confident you’d rather be alone than settling for less than what you think you deserve what you really wanted comes your way faster than you ever thought it could. It’s like a fairy tale came true. And it will be so good that you won’t trust it’s real, because I apparently wanted the impossible and my head was filled with oh so many unrealistic expectations that no man was ever going to be able to fulfill. And of course I was doomed to fail in any future relationships because of my strange inability to forgive and forget things I don’t think I should forgive or forget.

The truth is that when you no longer care for what other people think is possible for you and you take that leap of faith regardless, you don’t know what is going to happen next but you’re confident you’ll be ok regardless. And that’s how the magic happens. When you jump there is no safety net in sight but somehow you’ll grow wings on the way down. Just like a caterpillar who is not aware one day it can fly. So can you be. 

One thing is for sure, whilst you’re entertaining such a book you won’t be able to entertain the other one. So which book would you rather read? A horror novel filled with unnecessary drama or one that makes you feel inspired and uplifted? Choose well. Because your life depends on it.