Someone asked me recently on a private message;

How not to fall in love with a girl?

but I will address it in general as to… How not to fall in love in general.

Here is my reply to them and anyone who may want to avoid falling in love.

Short answer:

Be objective, be conscious and stay focused on your main goals in life.

Extended answer and explanation

When you’re confident you want to focus on your career goals, business goals or other personal goals it’s a lot easier to stay objective of the influence and possible purpose that another person may have in your life.

That way, even if someone super fancy tries to sweep you off your feet you can always stay grounded and focused on your stuff first by asking yourself these simple questions regularly;

• How thinking about this person is contributing to me sticking to my current goals?

Yes, they’re beautiful, gorgeous, they seem to be everything you’ve always wanted and more…. but please, be aware;

If you find that you’re wasting more time making plans with them than actually making arrangements to fulfill your original goals then you know you ought to let them go, because that’s a clear symptom you’re just about to fall in love.

If however they’re helping you achieve goals one way or another (I know, we can also justify this with plenty of excuses like “well, thanks to them I’m getting to open my social circle a lot more” or “if we can work together, chemistry is right and they’re open to have some kind of non-committed yet exclusive sexual relationship, that could be perfect, right?” etc.) perhaps they’re worth a little bit of investing on your side, but never EVER do sacrifices just to keep them by your side. Never invest more than necessary to get you closer to your goals, otherwise it stops getting you nearer your goals and it turns more into the love relationship you didn’t intend or you didn’t want to have.

But please, whenever possible, don’t just use people just to get you closer to your goals. The goal is to achieve them by yourself, your work, etc.

• Will my dreams or goals wake up one day and decide to leave me?

Definitely not, they will not leave you and they will never betray you. So whatever reasons you may have to not want to fall in love, those are legit.

That question is a good reminder that you will always do well by sticking to your guns and your goals, because when you sacrifice your goals or your dreams to please or keep the company or attention of someone else is when you start to lose yourself.

All these techniques are obviously easier said than done.

But I personally think you will find it harder to fall in love when you can be so objective and aware of the influence a new person is having in your life and whether or not are they meeting your standards enough as to justify wasting time paying them attention.

• Set incredibly high standards.

The higher your standards the less people are going to meet them, the more objective you can be and the easier it will be to get rid of people who don’t meet them.

I’ve listed some basic standards for women, but you should get as picky as you want. The pickier the harder it would be you’ll find someone who could justify your time investment in them.

Nevermind how amazing they seem to be now. Remember it’s never as good and as easy as it goes on the first encounters, so perhaps you ought to cut them off straight away if you do really want to stay single and drama free to focus on your goals.

Yes, they might be gorgeous, to die for, lovely and loving, but were you even looking for a relationship? are you actually ready for a relationship? do they meet all your standards? Do you just enjoy their attention? and if you just want their attention, why do you want their attention for? Usually what we like in other people is the attributes we think we lack. So focus on finding or creating those attributes within you and you’ll stop idealizing them before you actually fall in love with them.

It seems cold and detached, but I think first we must meet the standards we want to see in other people, and if you want to stay out of love until you do so, then so be it. First of all you have to be fully satisfied with your life and yourself.

Nobody is going to bring that satisfaction for you, unless you create it yourself. And unless you can fully wholeheartedly love yourself you can’t love anyone else, so you’ll be better off staying single anyway.

And remember, if you truly love yourself you will respect your intentions enough to not fall in love with someone else until you have achieved yet a new level or that goal you were aiming for.

• Avoid social gatherings

It could also help you to try to stay away from places where you know you can meet men/women, especially if you’ve become aware that you’re actually highly attractive to everyone you meet these days because of all the above.

Although it’s unavoidable that you’ll eventually get to meet people at work with whom you may feel a strong sense of chemistry that you may want to explore further.

But please, be honest to yourself. If you really want to stay focused and not fall in love don’t try to convince yourself on all the ways they could help contribute you achieving your goals faster when perhaps all you’ll be doing by letting them in would be just justifying them keeping you off track and delaying you from achieving your goals.

Once you achieve your personal goals (those who right now are asking you to stay out of love or prevent you from falling in love) then you can perhaps be more linient with your standards.