See that tiny clock? Well, that tiny is also the amount of time I have off kids when I’m not working on my business or any of my side hustles and projects. That obviously makes a woman sharpen her instincts when it comes to how to spend her time in a lot of areas in life, including when it comes to social relationship and men.
Most of the tips I give below will be useful to save you not only time but also heartache.
I have tried and tested them myself to ensure what I’m talking about it’s true and that I’m not being too harsh on the majority of men out there. So the sooner you learn to recognize a good man from a lame one the better.
Because time is our most valuable asset. Use it wisely!!
… so here we have some clues…
If the guy finds you or has you on any social media
Did you get a message request or a friend request from a seemingly hot guy?
Great! but before you add or answer his dm, please do yourself a favor and take the time to visit his profile first. Trust me, wasting 2 or 5 minutes now can save you hours and years of time. So this is a good investment of your time.
What are his posts about?
Despite my business goals to stay as social as possible in facebook in order to invest less in advertising I still see myself in the need to deny a lot of friend requests because I can easily see we have little to nothing in common but also to avoid tons of cringe worthy “hi!” messages from them shortly afterwards.
So take a brief look into their profiles to find out the following:
Do you share any values at all?
Imagine you are a vegan/vegetarian or all into animal rights and the guy posts photos of him hunting or going to bullfighting events. Can you already see how his posts could possibly irritate you in the near future?.
I thought most people would be intelligent enough to notice this but apparently not even the intelligent ones see this coming. So I thought it’s necessary to talk about this in order to save women from a lot of uncessary and avoidable drama in their lives.
Let’s think about this… time is limited. Why wasting time of your life engaging in conversation and getting potentially emotionally attached to people you know you may have to part ways with sooner or later because they don’t seem to share your vision, political views, morals or beliefs?
There is plenty of fish in the sea, please do yourself a favour and find those whose values align with yours from the get go. These things should no longer be red flags but plain and simple deal breakers.
If you don’t share same values and beliefs…
Sometimes you won’t be able to see stuff on their facebook or instagram until you actually accept them, but once you do, please do ensure you both share those values and beliefs you think are important you both agree on.
But in case you already had them on there and they start commenting negatively on your posts… how do they go about your differences? Does they just write to disagree with your content? are they willing to see your point of view about it? accept it? respect it? If no is the answer… avoid those men.
Or… if it’s you who disagree with his content… Are you willing to see his point of view? respect it? tolerate it? Some people who have different political views can still have successful healthy relationships if you can both respectfully agree to disagree with no drama involved at all, and then he might not be a waste of your time after all.
And trust me, sometimes being able to agree to disagree with no drama, no defensiveness, no arrogance, etc. is often better than the two of you sharing same political/ideological/philosophical views and lacking respect for each other when it comes to other areas of a relationship.
Being conscious and aware of this can spare you a lot of time suffering in disagreements.
How is he interacting with you on Social Media?
Great. How often does he react to your social media posts and what he comments on could also be an indicator of his level of interest in you.
Do they not react or comment at all on any of your public posts yet they send you private messages?
Well, here are two possible explanations to this behaviour;
a) He just wants feed his ego with the attention of any “pick me” women who take the low effort bait. He’s definitely not interested in you as a person at all.
b) He doesn’t want to leave public displays of interest or interaction with you at all on social media because he might have a partner who stalks him or he doesn’t want other options to see he’s actually flirting with you. And yes, that may include his partner.
Often times, it’s just a combination of both. I don’t want you to become paranoid and think the worst of men, yet most time wasters and game players definitely do seem to follow that kind of pattern. So be warned.
Can you imagine to how many other women can they just drop these minimal effort one-liners to? It’s as easy as pressing Ctrl+C and Ctrl+P.
It’s just an easy and simple low investment technique to get attention from desperate women who could potentially fall for it.
If there is nothing specific about you on that message ignore it completely.
Fear not, if the guy really finds you interesting and attractive he’ll try again and hopefully with something more meaningful to say to you.
I appreciate the fact that they’re complimenting me or trying to get my attention. I am as humble as it gets but I just don’t have time to reply to every guy that comes to me with compliments or a simple “hello!” or else I’ll never get any work done.
Also, since I mention it on my profile that I’m busy and I may only reply to work related messages those who don’t read and those who don’t respect my boundaries are already not meeting my standards at all. But I have used their attention to test all the knowledge displayed in this blog entry.
Is it only pictures of you they react to or comment on?
They might just find you aesthetically pleasing but they do not care at all about the real you. So they won’t put much effort into dating you. Most likely they just want to string you along with breadcrumbs and the faint possibility of dating one day. They might be only after the ego boost your attention gives them.
So unless he starts showing interest in other areas of your life or plans a date straight away to meet you as soon as possible you’ll be most likely wasting your time entertaining these men. Unless, of course, you too fancy an ego boost of male attention from time to time and you choose to entertain them knowing that’s all you’re going to get out of the interaction.
Do they like your thoughtful posts about topics or values that are important to you?
If they like and comment on different posts or photos that highlight your daily activities, your political views, your work, your musical interests and things that say more about who you are as person… then they may be worth investing some of your time getting to know them, their interest in you could be genuine.
But then again the only men worth getting to know are the ones who will actually prefer to meet you in real life and enjoy your company in the flesh as soon as possible. And by as soon as possible I mean… no longer than a week or two after starting some kind of back and forth message exchange.
Are they not sharing anything at all about their private life on social media so you have no clue of what their values or personality is all about?
There might be a couple of reasons for that too;
They may be having a fake profile just to hit up on women.
They are either too boring or too shallow.
And that should put you off them. Because, honestly, if no song move them enough to share it, no news of the world make them angry or happy. Do these men even think? do they even have a soul at all?.
I may be wrong, but confident people don’t mind sharing their point of view about topics or post photos of moments and experiences they find enjoyable.
And last and not least, They are simply too private and against social media.
There is also the possibility you may argue that the following quote is true “insecurities are loud, confidence is quiet”. So perhaps he’s a very confident private individual who doesn’t like to give clues about his amazing private personal life, feelings, way of experiencing life and facts that shock them and that’s all about it.
They might be a keeper if they propose to meet you and date you and then share with you all sorts of information when you’re on a date. They can be a keeper.
Up to you how much you like a mystery and how attractive you find the guy as to invest time of your life getting ready to go on a date to later find out perhaps they’re just regular or uninteresting. I prefer people who are up front and genuine and those usually share their likes and dislikes on social media.
Also PAY ATTENTION TO THIS:
How do they interact with other people? Do they have a lot of comments on their photos? Do they thank them or reply back? These interactions can tell you a lot about how real this person is or how social they are, how humble and how caring.
If they don’t have comments at all on their photos. Are they conceited tight arseholes who have no friends at all? Or do they have a fake account so their partners can’t find them hitting on other women?
Here is an example of how my message request folder looks like.
Of all those guys trying to get my attention, only two wrote longer than a sentence. And what they did could have been “copy and paste”. So never mind how good “Laura, you’re the dream woman every man wants” reads. The truth is that since I don’t know the man who says that and his profile seems all spam and hardly anything personal in there… to be honest, I can’t take it as a compliment. They could be copying and pasting it to every woman they know as far as I’m concerned. And this one at least made the effort of personalizing my name in it. Most can’t even think of such details.
After ten years of being in the same relationship I just wanted to check if things had changed so I wanted to ensure I wasn’t being too harsh on men. But so far so good my instinct was right. Their conversations will be BORING and fully packed with PREDICTABLE questions about the information they can easily find on your profile had they any interest in you at all. These men are just thirsty for attention.
And yes, even if you’re so fun and original that you could turn any kind of boring and predictable conversation into a super intriguing, exciting and engaging one. Are they really worth investing that much time and effort when they’re not even creative enough to call your attention? Probably not. But then that’s one of my high standards, doesn’t need to be one of yours.
So before engaging in any private conversations and giving him any time of day, please make sure he’s honest and real, to begin with, has a legit profile, and seems like a decent human being based on all the info and comments on his profile.
If you meet them in person FIRST…
If I meet them in person and they don’t ask for my details or social media I don’t ask either. And I like it that way. If it’s meant to be, it will be and we’ll cross paths in the future. Unless I’m interested in networking with them.
If they’re just a random man trying to get with me and someone I find extremely appealing I may give them my details, but if they don’t contact me in about a couple of days or when they do they seem to have forgotten details of what we talked about then I might as well block their phone number.
Why? Because if they can’t follow through with a simple promise or can’t remember simple facts like why they even got your phone number then that’s a man I don’t want in my life at all.
To save you time and effort, treat red flags as deal breakers. If you ignore such red flags you’ll end up breaking up with them two years down the line for this very same reason that they don’t follow through or his actions don’t back up their words, so save yourself time and heartache by recognizing red flags and turning them into deal breakers.
If they add you on social media yet seem to not like anything you share or haven’t really made any kind of comment about your content and yet they aim to get physically close to you. Something smells dodgy to me too.
And if you have met by mere chance, being out and about, working in the same building, through some friends in common, etc. Unless he has all the attributes I would really find a “must” in a man I would not give them my details either. I’d let them push the button if they’re interested enough. And if they don’t do so in a certain span of time then R.I.P to that guy from that moment onwards.
Once you’re dating..
Well, now it depends on what you truly want for your life.
If you want long term commitment you need to know that men who are really into you waste no time making their mind up about what they really want you in their life for, it takes them between one month and six to actually start talking about future plans with you… mentioning having children or even proposing. Scientific research has proven that it takes a man only 30 seconds to gauge if they like a woman for a one off, as a wife or as a place holder until the wife material comes along.
And when they find the wife material they pursue her like there is no tomorrow. They won’t let that woman go. If they’re wishy-washy and not consistent in their attentions towards you then they’re simply not that into you. So how much time of your life are you willing to give to a relationship that is not leading to the long-term relationship goals you want?
Don’t believe anything they say just because you wish they meant such things, pay close attention to their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.
Men love women who aren’t desperate to have a relationship status so they’ll be even more interested in you if you’re not trying to label the connection for months. They just want some amazing company they can have fun with and so should you. When you are or become that kind of woman that is also too busy to spend all their spare time with them, they’ll naturally want to be with you as much as they physically can. And when that happens just make sure you don’t neglect other areas of your life just to do so because your life shouldn’t revolve around a man at all. Your life should be about achieving your purpose and goals. And even if finding a man is one of them, your life shouldn’t revolve around him. Always think… if two years down the line this man dumped me…. will I regret investing this time on him now? if the answer is yes… just turn down such plans and focus more on plans that would make you say “no”.
And yes, talking about being physically present, I totally recommend you avoid starting long distance relationships with complete strangers on internet. Yes, I did in my youth and that’s how I learnt that’s just a complete waste of your time. Some people are not who they claim they are, physical chemistry is very important and you can’t gauge that through internet. And also, they can ghost you any second they wish and boom… you may never hear from them again. So never waste any of your time on these men.
Also this will help you to stop getting emotionally attached to a person you have no clue when you’ll both be able to meet unless it’s only one night stand you want and you can hook up some time soon and that’s all you ever want of them.
If they live too far away or they don’t have money to come and visit you as soon as possible. How do you expect the relationship is going to work? what’s the point of having a relationship when you can’t even feel their touch or their physical desire for you and presence? why wasting your time invested on these kind of relationships when you could actually enjoy real life ones?. Please be wise and don’t invest time and emotions until they come to see you and they prove to you they’ll continually try to do so.
And if you don’t trust that you’ll be wasting your time… please take it from him, someone who has 11 books on human behaviour to reassure you all the above is a true fact. From minute 30 onwards you’ll find very relevant information.
So to summarize.
I will recommend you;
Only entertain those men who show a real keen interest in you. Those who do actually follow through with actions. Trust actions and you’ll never be fooled by their words.
Turn red flags into deal breakers.
If a guy ghosts you or takes longer than necessary to reply back or never calls back when he says he will…take it as it is; an amazing red flag or a warning sign he’s not the kind of person you want to date or end up with.
When a man is not following your standards, don’t question them on it or waste time and energy enquiring why. Just block them. Let no man waste your time with breadcrumbs and empty promises.
If they’re not acting like they would miss out by not asking you out. Move on. Your life is happening now and they don’t seem to value you enough to realize what a chance they’re missing out on. But don’t waste time trying to prove them what an amazing catch you are. If they can’t see that for themselves… there is a chance they never will. So move on.
The sooner you add the standard above in your life the better.
Here are some other basic standards I would recommend any other woman to keep in mind in order to avoid wasting time on the wrong kind of person.
This song could help you remember what are the basic traits of time wasters.
I must confess the standards I have set for myself in order to let anyone call my attention are too high these days. So high that hardly anyone can get in. But I like it that way. It’s an amazing way to filter out men. Nevertheless, as you can see above I get men interested and coming my way even when I’m not even looking for a relationship.
Unless I’m interested in them as possible male friends or potential business contacts and I can get business out of them I usually entertain no man at all unless they meet all my standards.
So unless I’m testing new theories for my blog content or want them as friends or for networking purposes, I basically ignore all men that don’t meet my standards. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too strict and I just try to let myself go on those standards, and the end result is that I often regret it INSTANTLY.
So these days I would much rather be approached once every five years by an exceptional man than 5 times a day by the low effort insecure kind of men in desperate need of an ego-boost.
I love getting to know new people, don’t get me wrong, but I see no point when I already know they’re not impressing me much at all.
Is not that I hate men. I just hate wasting my time on the wrong kind of men. Because I know there are amazing men out there you’ll meet only when you dare to raise your standards.
So it’s way better to save most of my time ignoring most men and get to entertain wild kings from time to time instead. And yet some wild queens may still refuse the attentions of those interesting men because we’re too busy chasing other life goals at this particular moment in life and we need whatever spare time we get to chase our dreams instead.