Crazy LAW-ra

Well… as I’ve said on last week’s blog entry… I’m planning to have my business, time management and belongings 100% under control this year.

So for me that means… no relationships. This approach to relationships may seem harsh and dramatic to some people but relationships take a lot of time and sacrifices that I’m not ready to make at all.

After all, with a business to run, a project or two to work on, two children to nurture and feed and a flat to keep up and running I can rarely find the time to actually have a proper relationship.

I know… I’m all black and white thinking I’m afraid. Most feel like they really need a relationship to be themselves. In my case I guess it’s a crazy lawra thing to do. But I feel way more like myself when I’m all on my own, the same way I’m more willing and inspired to thrive on my business when I am on my own.

And of course no dating apps no chatting with strangers on facebook at all.

NO?? Why not?

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. And most guys seem to be just time wasters or they simply suck at flirting/dating so getting to know new guys is simply fun no more.

And yes, I know, there are some super loving and worth dating wild kings out there too who deserve all my attention based on their massive efforts to get to know me or be near me more often. So if I had any spare time to kill at all, trust me, I would choose among any of those. And even those have very limited access to me. OH NO!!

Adapting the letters of Marina to my specific situation I guess I would say “cause I was made to feel the worse so I will show them I’m the best”.  ;P

Besides, my dating or relationship standards have always been slightly higher than average but these days they’re even higher than they’ve ever been before. So yes… I’m afraid unreacheable and impossible is where is at.

Not because I’m being conceited in any way… no .Simply because I have decided just to prioritize myself and my goals.

Yes, there was a time in my life where I deviated and I went to pursue that goal of having a relationship that somehow ended up in marriage and kids, all that I always said I wouldn’t have.

I guess back in the day I confused my gut instinct telling me I was not the kind of person to be fit for marriage and kids with a “fear of committment” attitude.

And me already being the fearLESS person I currently am decided to conquer that which seemed like a limit to explore. “What am I afraid of? love? commitment? giving birth? having kids? not being responsible enough raise kids? am I just saying that perhaps we’re not a great fit because I see some issues like red flags? Bring it all, I’ll find out what I’m actually made of”.

And for a while I did a great job at it. I even had the “best wife” badge, and I literally tried everything under the sun to make the marriage work, and when I finally realized why it wasn’t never going to work then I tried for a couple of years to end the marriage in a respectful and out of love manner until I saw clear that he didn’t want to end it nor did he wanted to change those behaviours that made it impossible for me to remain married to him. So well, I had to get out the hard and sour way.

Luckily it wasn’t all bad and it turned out I’m a better mum than I ever expected to be and I love to nurture and lavish my kids teaching them to be confident in their skills, confident in their looks, confident in the fact they can become whatever they want to become whilst teaching them to respect other people and, of course, their mum.

So yes, these days with two jobs, two kids to love and a place to run and pay… I only want to run a successful business, not a succesful relationship.

Having a relationship is not one of them. Once I become what I want or where I want to be professionally I may soften my grip a bit on this sense. But I seriously doubt I might.

I love being single a little bit too much to lower my standards in the future or let myself be trapped in yet another relationship I feel it in my gut is not where I want to be in.

So… excuse me if I completely ignore your “hi”s on facebook, these days hardly anything impresses me much at all. You would need to put a lot of work in it for me to even consider spend time of day with you.

And I’m also sorry for the ones who try hard to get to me under false business pretenses to actually seek a serious committed relationship with me. I feel extremely flattered you do want to work so hard to get what you want – and that what you want is actually me- but perhaps you guys could have done your background research about me a bit better and you would have bumped into this blog entry prior to even bother wasting any of your precious time with me. I was in for the business all along. So even if I entertain the mutual attraction that develops into it I will not entertain the sacrifices being with a person carry along. Like sacrificing connections I enjoy and friends I like spending time with that also bring money into my business.

Updating this on 2021 and now I guess I’ll have to even raise the standard higher than before so I make sure I accomplish all my professional and personal growth goals without feeling like I’m breaking hearts and being a bitch when all I’m doing is just trying to become emotionally and financially independent from anyone (other than from my clients, of course)

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