Being emotionally and financially independent is the best standard a woman can ever have going on for herself.
Because they won’t fall themselves victims of any emotional, economical, physical or psychological abuse from anyone.
In fact, I’m willing to bet most women see themselves trapped in abusive relationships because they either lacked the emotional or the financial freedom to get away from a dead-end, loveless, unhappy relationship that slowly but surely turned into a toxic and abusive relationship.
How can you become financially independent?
By prioritizing your student or your career goals so much so that you set up a life where you ensure you have different sources of money coming in at all times so that you don’t rely solely on one source of money, and especially, not relying on a partner’s income or work.
Always keeping money sources open and in good shape at all times, especially with customers, friends, family and anyone who is willing to financially contribute to your financial freedom.
How to become emotionally independent?
That’s the hardest part, as it’s usually learnt when a lot of people let you down time and time again and eventually you find yourself alone in situations that you thought you weren’t able to cope with on your own. But you did. So you eventually end up realizing you had no choice but to become stronger and braver than you thought you could ever be. You will also learn to become your own absolute best friend and after that you’ll rarely feel lonely again.
If you have been lucky enough not to have gone through this experience in life so far, then mentally prepare yourself in advance for possibility that you can lose everyone and everything when you least expect it. Being aware of this possibility should make you think of several back-up plans or ways to cope if so and so happened, and therefore sort of more confident of come what may. So you’ll always be fine if someone suddenly disappears or lets you down when you least expected them to.
It is ok to trust people and enjoy company of people. That’s good and that’s healthy, just don’t become over reliant and dependent of them. Or else you’ll be giving them power over you sooner or later. Let’s remember one of those empowering hymns.
Why having those is a definite game changer?
When you’re not afraid of losing people you’ve reached a new level of power and confidence. You simply won’t tolerate the slightest form of disrespect or abuse from anyone. It also gives you loads of walking power.
Some people may not start being abusive straight away, they may get abusive when they notice that the confidence these women have is way higher than they originally gauged and that they look ten times prettier and worthier to other men than they had originally perceived them to be.
So it suddenly hits these men that you have plenty of choices to choose from and that you’re a hell of a woman and unfortunately one they can’t control.
So they’ll try to bring you down in hopes you’ll start losing your power and confidence in yourself. So here is this brilliant song of Marina to illustrate how these dynamics work. This one helps me remember that no matter how interesting and attractive these guys might be there is still plenty of fish in the sea. So no, I won’t sacrifice who I am and what I want to do for a living to be in a relationship with anyone.
Because to have that kind of dynamics in the relationship I would rather focus on achieving other life goals on my own. After all I need no man to validate my existence and my worth. I get off doing my own stuff.
If me spending most of my spare time with someone and dedicating most of my time to help them fulfill their goals is not enough for them to feel important, cherished and respected then nothing else will.
And sometimes they may try to convince you to stay with arguments such as “you’re not working towards the relationship”, “a relationship needs limits” or “I don’t forbid you to do so and so… but so and so it’s expected”.
Well, if they don’t trust me to stay faithful and loyal to them then I owe them nothing. Not my fault their way of perceiving life and relationships has nothing to do with mine. But then I never wanted or needed a relationship to begin with.
I only had money on my mind.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, I know. But a love relationship that tries to limit your economical growth just to cater for their posessiveness or insecurity demons won’t buy it either.
Don’t let them kill you with their jealousy. Don’t give your all unless they prove they respect your opinions and your freedom.
Do not confuse this entry with the idea of all men are evil and despisable, they might turn into that if they feel their security in the relationship threatened. But then if they’re that insecure they’re not a good fit.
Unfortunately “you can’t get with this, if you ain’t built for this. I can’t build you up if you ain’t tough enough. I can’t teach a man how to wear his pants”
I’m not trying to glorify the life of a single individual, but honestly it’s way better to be single than feeling limited and mistreated in any relationship.
How to feel all that confident and independent if you haven’t got a career or the financial freedom to back it up?
It’s hard indeed to feel confident when it seems like you haven’t earned a huge amount of income in the professional realm like your partner or ex-partner might have done. But here in your wild side we work on giving you your power back even when you think you haven’t got any power.
The situation above may make you feel less entitled to the property or the goods you both own as these men might have said several times that sentencing “you wouldn’t have anything of this if it weren’t for me“, and only an insecure man trying to belittle your worth and confidence would drop such pearls believing that if they tell you plenty of times you would end up thinking that’s actually the truth.
And that’s how you recognize how little and undeserving these men are of your company. The moment they say that then it’s probably the moment you ought to see clear and plainly what they’re trying to do to you and start finding the financial funds to start walking out of the door.
Because, remember, unless he makes tons of money per hour, probably your work at home is worth half or more of what he earns out.
You just seem to forget that you’re working for free at home on something you should be both working on equally.
Because, tell me, …. How much does a nanny or a nursery cost per hour? how much does a cleaner earn per day? How much does a cook get paid? how much does an admin earn per day? how much does a surrogate mother charge per pregnancy?
And if you’re a wild one (in and out of bed)— could they ever afford a scort and a prostitute at their disposal without risks of catching sexually transmitted diseases and with whom to share all that level of emotional connection, intimacy, frecuent sex and faithfulness as if they were having it with you? Probably not at all, that would be way too expensive for them to afford!!
So all that is what usually men get out of a committed relationship or marriage with you, provided you’re a somewhat skillful, accomplished and faithful wild woman that knows how to look after yourself and always aim to give your best in a relationship to make it work.
And by giving your best in a relationship to make it work doesn’t mean you ought to sacrifice your own personal goals and dreams and stop being who you usually are just to please them.
And if he can’t see and value all those things you bring to the table unpaid, then tough, he has to go. Because feel like you’re nothing without him just because you’re not bringing money from an outside employer? that’s simply deminishing and devaluing your worth and belittling all your work to make it look like nothing.
And by the way, this is also a subtle red flag of psychological abuse.
So if you’ve done all that out of love and even sacrificed any career goals you had prior to get together in marriage with him then I believe congratulations are in place. You do have a lot more than you thought.
You are now legally entitled to your half of the house and belongings due to your WORK and DEDICATION to that job of being a wife, a cleaner, a cook, an admin, a laundry maiden, a sex worker, an escort, etc.
And if you have kids, then for being also a surrogate mother, a baby sitter, a chauffeur to the kids, a sex worker, a cheerleader of your kids and husband, a housekeeper, a nurse to your kids when they wake up sick, and an enabler to make your husband or ex husband go to work with peace of mind because he doesn’t have to take care of any of that.
Perhaps that’s why the law seems so unfair to most of these insecure men; they all seem completely unable to appreciate all the hours, work and effort that goes unpaid and unrecognized at home. It’s like they took it all for granted from day one or day two after moving in together.
Why shouldn’t you “need” anyone?
That’s a beautiful new song I’ve discovered but which points out why most women go insane and stay in toxic relationships.
It’s mostly because of “the needing”.
Never attach your worth to company or opinions of another person. It’s that simple.
Now… when you want and love someone it’s a different thing. You’re coming from a point in which you’re perfectly happy being in your own skin, you feel valuable and valued, therefore sharing your time with that someone it’s out of joy rather than out of neediness.
And the moment that such company starts bringing you more pain than joy you recognize it and act on it straight away. You’re not scared of losing them, you are scared of losing yourself trying to keep a relationship that might not be worth keeping at all.
From my own experience I can say that SOME men will take you for granted even if you’re the smartest, kindest or most beautiful woman in the world. SOME insecure innocent looking men will also dare disrepect you and mistreat you if you ALLOW THEM TO.
Here is where being financially and emotionally independent gives you power NOT TO ALLOW SUCH SITUATIONS TO HAPPEN.
Here is where your power lays. You have the power to stop that from happening. Yes, I know, you are not to blame he turned abusive towards you, but if you are in such a relationship still then you’re totally enabling that abuse to happen, continue and worsen over time.
So how can you use your power?
Simply, break up with him when situations like these arise. And mean it. Like not really hoping he’ll be back, because he might not, feel confident that this is not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your days with, not if he’s intending to behave that way.
This is not a way of manipulating them though. This is you respecting your standards. You do not want such treatment in your life so you end it up now. This is not power moves or playing games at all.
If the breaking up was too early, due to a silly misunderstanding or your partner suddenly realizes they’ve made a mistake and they’re genuinely sorry for it and they manage to get your positive feelings back then it’s up to him. But then you shall then establish your limits and you ensure him that you won’t tolerate same mistake again.
When each of you have their own places to live this power becomes more noticeable.
And if it feel like it’s too late because you’re already co-dependent financially (sharing flat, house, pet or whatever), simply start plotting your way out, find a job, ask friends to lend you money or do something about it as if your life depended on it. Because it does.
I always remember my power when these situations arise
Ever since my comfort zone is not having a comfort zone at all I’m always willing to see how will I manage on my own in such new circumstances. And I see all the new opportunities for personal growth that brings and I often end up loving the thrill that such new experience can bring me.
And sometimes when I picture my life without that person sometimes I find it hard to want them back. It’s like, I no longer wish to fix those issues, I don’t even want to and I don’t even need to, I’ve already thought that I’d be better off without that person. And once I’ve made up my mind of that then it’s game over for them.
And that, my female readers, that’s way easier to do when you do not depend on him at any level.
Obviously, this is easier when you already know how to win the game even before it starts.
Did I know what I was getting into? partially.
When I get treated good I’m great at being good. But I’m even better at being bad when people try to abuse me, take me for granted or undermine my confidence in any way. I’m very good at fooling the fool who thinks is fooling me.
And when to this standard qe add the fact that a relationship has never been your number 1 priority, then it’s when you’ll have your power to live life your way multiplied.
And if someone comes along trying to limit you or chop your wings off… then you’ll get rid of them soon.
To me this standard is mainly for women who want to enjoy life on their own or with the best of men there are out there. But be careful, some act like wild kings but really aren’t.
I love the song below, it definitely portrays the character of wild and free spirited woman, those who drive men insane but won’t let themselves be owned. Regardless of how mucy the rapper in the song is used to get whatever he wants.
Because, yes. He can be used to get his way but so could you. Could you not?
Would it make her feel special that he’s gone out of his way to get her attention and her company? Probably. But do not let that blind you from the fact that he will still have to prove he has what it takes to contain a woman positively and effectively for the long haul.
Perhaps I could only be good at being owned by those very rare confident men who do respect my freedom, my business and my choices.
Don’t let them make you their dirty pretty. It’s not your job to meet their expectations of you.
And if you’ve just met someone new and you’ve fallen in love, just in case of doubt, remember to always stay loyal to your career and financial goals because those won’t wake up one day and decide to either disappear, leave you, disrespect you or replace you for any other woman.
I think a man finds that way more respectable in the long run. Even if they themselves are not aware of it.
It’s not wrong to have a partner and rely on them for support on occassions, hopefully not all of them are going go feel insecure and try to tame you, some can just love you and respect how wild you are.
Your mental peace, your integrity and your self respect must always be more important than
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