I looooove this song.
And each time I listen to it reminds me of all the times I have probably left men wondering that exact same question.
So I thought perhaps I could elaborate on this topic and help more men improve their game.
Bearing in mind I’m hard to impress and I have very high standards these days this advice can grant you an understanding of what could you possibly be doing wrong when it comes to have the success you want with any kind of woman they want. Even if all you ever want is just to get laid on the first date.
You may wanna listen to the song to get in the context. But as a summary it mainly talks about feeling the chemistry yet failing to get laid or to get her really hooked for the long run.
What is he doing wrong?
Bearing in mind not two women are the same and the same could be said about men, it’s hard to know at first glance what is not working for him.
But based on my wide experience as a woman talking with other women, as well as my own experience rejecting men advances myself for the last two decades here I will provide some of the most common reasons as to why me and my fellow friends have rejected/ignored/avoided quite a lot of men, even if some of those were really attractive.
Let’s start with the straight up female turn offs. The reasons as to why she wouldn’t even give you a chance at all.
- You’re not perfectly groomed
Yes, you can be tall, fit, employed, have your shit together, be very confident, earn tons of money or read tons of books, but if you’re not perfectly groomed you’re definitely losing a lot of points when it comes to seducing a woman.
A man freshly showered, smartly dressed with clean clothes and a perfume that really suits him is for most females what I imagine a pair of boobs or a fit bum in lingerie must be for men: Basically, something hard to resist.
To groom yourself is so simple and so very inexpensive. Even if it’s a cheap perfume can do wonders. And yet, surprisingly enough, most men don’t do it often enough or do it as a daily habit. However you bet those who do seriously get noticed.
Even I have found myself attracted to men I wouldn’t normally find attractive due to this simple habit they had of looking like they just came straight out of the shower, well groomed and wearing their signature perfume.
That also includes taking care of your dental hygiene. I’ve never heard a woman saying “I hate he’s got a fresh breath” or “his perfectly aligned white teeth kind of turn me off”, but I have definitely heard them complain of the opposite.
Long hair, piercings, tattoos, dreadlocks, mohawk, whatever hairstyle is fine as long as you always smell nice, fresh and of perfume. Even if we were to find you ugly you’ll become more tolerable if you wear perfume. Train yourself to do it everyday and you’ll soon realize how their heads will turn. If unsure which perfume suits you better… that’s when you can book a Retreat with me and during your weekend learning and implementing all these tips we’ll include going to the shops and trying to find a perfume that will make you stand out or turn heads. One that will make you feel confident, powerful, interesting, etc.
This on its own is not going to make a man instantly irresistible for all women, but pair it with a somewhat physically attractive appearance, confidence, a charismatic personality, a good touch of old chivalry and panties will drop.
And this can potentially give some women an excuse to reach next to your neck and breath you in… and depending how daring she might be… she may even drop you a kiss or two if she really likes what she sees, smells and gets from your character.
- You are simply not meeting her standards
When we talk about standards is when things get tricky and complicated as each woman has their own and some of them seem to have none at all. But to simplify the issue, let’s divide women in the following major categories so you should be able to recognize them straight away and get a better chance to impress them positively.
But first, remember…. there are no women out of your league. They’re just outside your comfort zone. And who chooses the comfort zone? YOU DO!!
However there are women harder and easier to please depending on the efforts you’re willing to do to get her.
That’s why recognizing the type of woman you’re trying to impress has to become your priority number one if you want to avoid being rejected from the get go. For some women seems a basic “hi! wyd?” could suffice. For others can be your dead sentence.
Let’s start with the hard ones to impress:
- The emotionally and financially independent empowered women out there are the ones that have most of their life sorted out; they have their own car, their own house, kids from a previous relationship or marriage and a high paying job, etc… ) she won’t ask for your phone number nor will she chase you. If you’re lucky enough she may give you her phone number. These women only entertain these type of men or it’s no men at all for them. Literally. high standards. Sometimes she will reject you/leave you/avoid you even if you meet 99% of them but epically fail to meet one of the important ones. Why? Because she’s probably on a specific mission, and her mission has nothing to do with men, so why getting side-tracked dating men when all she needs is focusing on achieving her goals as soon as possible? You can be simply amazing and she may still prefer to be single to finish off whatever she has committed herself to do. However … eventually, these women may reach a point in which they could consider entertaining a super supportive partner if you magically manage to convince her you can be one without even having a chance to do so. Basically you have to earn your chance/opportunity and make it impossible for her to reject it/avoid you or ignore you. Otherwise…. chances are, she will find excuses to avoid you.
- Wild women are also hard to impress and focused on their goals but their standards may not be as high yet as the ones of the wild queens above. Do not despair, you can learn how to recognize them and study them better here.
- Women that seem to have no standards at all. I say “seem”, because I’m confident they must have their own selection process but I just can’t understand in which way it serves them given the choices I see most women make. Perhaps some of them just don’t want to be alone, others may not love themselves enough and any validation feels enough to entertain, etc.
However if you read the basic standards I consider any single woman that respects herself should have going on for herself and apply it to your behaviour… you’ll be able to get the average ones and most of the wild ones.
But please, understand, there is no woman out of your REACH. There is no woman OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. They’re just outside your COMFORT ZONE. Because to get their attention you may have to do things you’ve never done before.
Problem here is that most men just seem to think that women are not as much into casual sex as men are. Or that all women are after a committed relationship with you. And that’s simply not true.
She may just want sex and you’ll be overcomplicating matters by trying to charm her as if you had long term intentions with her in hopes she will let you in faster but then she may hate dishonest people… and even if she may like you she may hate the fact that you’re trying to play her for a fool.
So … What about just try to be honest about your intentions with her from the get-go?
That way you will save yourselves a lot of confusion, drama and misunderstandings. Plus, you may get laid sooner and more often than you would probably get laid these days by being dishonest or unclear about your intentions with them.
Why so? the next one will explain.
- You are not acting consistent / coherent
Inconsistent or incoherent behaviour is such a turn off for intelligent high value women who have some kind of experience with men.
You’re really setting yourselves up for failure when you promise things you’re not intending to deliver or things you’ll probably forget to deliver.
Here is why… so if you said you were going to do something just trying to impress her or trying to take her for a fool, misleading her to believe you care about her or her feelings more than you do hoping that way she’ll let you in… Guess what? NOW you HAVE to do that very same thing you said.
Nobody forced you into it, she probably wasn’t expecting anything from you AT ALL. But now you bet she’ll EXPECT IT and she won’t chill until you deliver it or simply dismiss you for life just because you epically failed at delivering it.
She probably wasn’t expecting anything from you AT ALL but NOW you have created in her that expectation and now you have to FULFILL it or else she won’t be able to trust you.
Believe me, it’s way better not to say a word and impress her with your spontaneous actions (if any) than to promise something and let her down.
If you are straight up honest from the get go and you say to a woman you just want to have sex with her… she may say… “perfect, that’s all I ever wanted myself” and you may even get laid that day or plenty more days without any kind of drama or strings attached. Easy breezy.
Yes, some women may reject you if you choose to take the straight approach because they want the long term thing. But that’s a risk you’ll have to take. Be brave, she may even admire you because of it and how refreshing that kind of honesty is nowadays in a world full of phonies.
If you say you want something else and you pressure her to get laid, it may simply not work. Because perhaps she only agreed to that other fake thing you claimed you wanted but not the sex itself.
But if you to try to sweep a woman off her feet first just to get sex and she really likes you, well, let’s say you have activated now her standards for a long term relationship. And those may differ a lot from her standards for a one night stand or casual sex.
NOW if she wants a serious committed relationship with you because you told her you were after that kind of relationship (thinking that’s what she wanted) then she will probably withhold sex until she finds out if you’re as good as you pretend to be or if you were simply trying to play her for a fool. Now she will just wait and see how you behave and whether your actions are consistent with your words. And if she’s got any brains… that’s “game over” for you.
The most intelligent women are going to act like fools and like they believe in every word you say. They may even entertain you for a while if it’s convenient to them or if it benefits them in one way or another and then it’s you who will end up feeling like a fool when you realize she actually never fell for it.
Same happens when you start off by claiming that you do not want anything serious with them and soon you realize that actually you do like her and you would want something serious with her.
Too late mate. Remember she only agreed to have a relationship with you on casual sex terms. Had she known you wanted a full-blown committed relationship she would have rejected you straight away because that’s simply not what she was trying to get and perhaps her standards for full blown committed relationship are way different than her standards for a no string casual affair. So don’t expect her to change her mind for you, don’t expect her to sacrifice her goals and dreams just to fulfil your expectations of her as your girlfriend, because she never signed up for that kind of role to begin with.
And it’s sadly due to this that some women like me have seen themselves forced to raise even their one night stands or casual sex standards to the standards they would demand when it comes to get into a long committed relationship. Because we’ve seen enough men that didn’t want anything serious at all ending up wanting to marry us.
But we only chose them at that particular point in time for a one night stand or a fling. Perhaps only to have exclusive sex with someone for a while but that was all about it. We don’t care if our moral values don’t align, we don’t care if you have a possessive mother or no discipline at all. We don’t care if you act inconsistent or if we ever see you again for that matter. Our only goal was probably just to have some fun. PERIOD. For something temporary some attributes are ok. For something permanent they might just not be good enough.
How will she now if you lie about your true intentions?
She will give you a chance to prove that what you say you want to do and what you do is coherent, your actions will let her know the truth.
Sooo what is the best approach? BE HONEST.
Only desperate women completely unaware of the side effects of inconsistency behaviour will show up will gamble falling in love with someone who does one thing and does the opposite.
- You are not adding any value to her life
All the wild women I know have all their life sorted. They don’t need a man but they might WANT a man if he provides those things she can’t provide for herself.
These are the things you could do to impress an emotionally and financially independent woman to actually get anywhere near her. Be that for sex or for a relationship.
Safety: She can do a lot for herself in this sense (like hiring a body guard or get a house alarm) but it’s nice to have someone who offers himself to carry a heavy load for her, someone who wants to pick her up here or there so she doesn’t have to walk alone, someone who is vigilant of potential dangers she might not be aware of at home or whilst walking down the road or simply someone who may want to lend her his jacket or jumper when she feels cold. That’s where you can make a difference in her life. Act like a gentleman basically. Because chivalry seems to be dead these days and yet acting chivalrous is what will make most women perceive you as more masculine and to die for. If you do things like these for her then she may want to see the benefits of having a man in her life more often. Otherwise she may prefer to be alone.
And yes, I know feminism has caused a lot of confusion when it comes to this topic. There are a lot of men claiming they no longer know how to behave and whether it’s ok to open doors for women, pay the bill, split the bill, sit them at the table or offer to carry a heavy load for them in order not to offend them. But the best way to go about this is that you try to offer yourself to do something and she’ll let you know if she welcomes it or if she doesn’t.
Quality company: If you’re not positive, creative, trustworthy, interesting, caring, engaging in conversation and have a refreshing personality it’s highly unlikely that she may want to entertain your company at all.
Perhaps an average woman would be very happy and content to go grab a coffee, brunch or dinner out.
But if a woman is turning down plans like those with you perhaps you’re dealing with a levelled up woman or a “queen” who has it all going on for herself and she probably has way better things to do than entertaining lame company or boring conventional plans. Bear in mind she might have had her fair deal of dates like those, and it doesn’t impress her anymore that you want to take her out to those places, now it has to be something quite original or unhear for her to even want to give your plan a try. Like “ohh I have tried these coffee dates before, dinner dates, etc… but I’ve never tried x, y and z before” if they think outside the box they might be worth dating.
If you’re not willing to go the extra mile and offer her something new, exciting, original, fun, outside the box dating plans I would not even dare to bother her via private message.
Because the beautiful levelled up woman has seen quite a lot by now and grabbing a coffee or chatting online doesn’t excite them anymore.
Also, the best way to get her to want to be with you is not by asking her out, but actually by acting like you’re her man when the two of you are together. Eg. Show her you care by doing something she mentions she needs, lend her your coat if she looks cold, if she’s got a business show interest on it on her social media. And also, if you’re too afraid to be rejected as a man, why not trying hiring her services as a client?. That way you’ll get to hang around her and have the chance to do the above. Also, she may refuse love but she can’t refuse clients for her business. Or if she works at a shop or restaurant… ask to be seated at the table she’s serving… then it gives you chances to interact with her and show interest… it may not guarantee you get the girl, but one of my very picky best friends ended up marrying a guy who did this. And she didn’t even like him at first…. but then … he kept trying in different ways until it actually worked. After all, we women end up falling in love for the effort men do to get themselves noticed.
That way she can get a feeling of what it could be to be with you, miss you and want you when you’re not around.
Wildness; Because nevermind how much she may love herself or her body nothing beats mindblowing sex with someone who desires her own body more than she can physically please herself. Don’t you want to live before you die?? because she does definitely want to live (oh yes, the wild label is not just for decoration, it’s a way of life and a certain type of alternative music taste too)!!
But all that wild sex may only happen after you have figured out a way to earn her attention, time and trust in you by behaving consistent and coherent all along the way. Because she knows the freak inside she’s withholding and she knows that if she releases it once it’s gonna want to be fed on the very regular and she’s gonna want loads of it and as often as her busy agenda allows her to. And yes, she knows she gets them hooked easily…. but she doesn’t want to hook cowards or any men who don’t meet her high standards.
She doesn’t want to have sex with someone who is disqualifying themselves by pressuring her to have it, for example. If you try to act like a gentleman first and then pressure her to have sex, that would be a red flag of inconsistency in your behaviour. And for some women these days red flags are deal breakers.
Presence:
The woman who can reject you even if she feels physically attracted to you is the one that runs her life and has a huge agenda that doesn’t include you, so she won’t need you around most of the time. So fear not for your freedom. She will give you plenty of free time because she needs it for herself too. In fact, it might be you who ends up begging her for more of her time and attention.
And if you happen to cross paths with one of these wild women and fail to recognize her worth and fail to ask her out on the first opportunity you saw her you may miss the opportunity of doing so for good.
She doesn’t like giving second chances. She may only like confident courageous men who have the guts to act on their interests and express their feelings and intentions towards her the sooner the better so none of them miss out if there is shared interest.
If these men don’t confess their interest or their attraction straight away she will assume they may have a girlfriend or they haven’t seen her value, and both can put her off of him for good.
And if in any time of that process of having her phone number and taking her out on dates you take her for granted or leave your opportunity with her for “later”. She’ll most likely make it a “never again”. Remember, you’re not the only person pursuing her. These kind of women have plenty of options. If you fail to demonstrate the right level of interest and consistency she will not even want you, even if it was just going to be a no strings attached sex connection. She would rather block you so you don’t ever bother her again with indecision or inconsistency. Regaining a chance with her… might be almost near to impossible.
Thoughtful actions/surprises; She can probably buy herself jewellery, perfumes or pretty much everything she needs but she can’t book herself a surprise dinner at a restaurant or she can’t take herself to a last minute secret destination get-away weekend. She can’t surprise herself buying herself some perfume she mentioned on her facebook wall months earlier she wanted but was discontinued. But ohh if you do… she’ll cherish you in her mind forever. Still think at times he might have been the one I wasn’t ready for because he came way too early after a previous relationship.
In other words: It’s your thougthful actions and intentions that have the power to make her life even more special than she has it going on on her own. If you don’t impress her on that sense then she will reject you, ignore you or divorce you.
Bear in mind that if a woman has experienced someone that has had such thoughtful displays of interest and affection towards her in the past it’s even harder to near impossible for her to entertain any less than that. You can either give up entirely or you can step up entirely and give it your best shot. But if having thoughtful gestures is not your thing, I recommend you to not bother with this one and try with another type of woman.
Oh and it’s never about the size of your wallet; A surprise homemade meal cooked by a special someone could be way more special than any fancy restaurant in town and perhaps all the more appreciated by her, because if you earn tons of money paying for a restaurant meal it’s almost nothing when it comes to value the amount of time, effort, dedication and willingness to impress her it took you by learning how to cook, cooking for her, painting for her, writing a letter with all she means to you, etc. It’s the time investment, the effort and the thought that counts the most for us, not the money you spend on us.
So never make lack of money an excuse as to why you can’t get with such type of women. It’s not the holidays you pay for her, it’s not the destination, it’s not dinners you offer to pay or the gifts you buy her, it’s the intention behind those things you do for her that will break the walls and melt the hearts of even the seemingly coldest bitches there are out there.
NOW.
Give any woman all those above consistently and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to spend most of her spare time with you, take you to bed and what not.
Start slacking or be lacking on any of those and providing excuses instead of doing all the above and she’ll replace you and get rid of you in the blink of an eye.
And of course, never ever expect a high value woman to chase you. She doesn’t chase men, she’s too busy chasing goals and dreams instead.
So treat us wrong, neglect us, ignore us, try to play us, betray us or cheat on us, none of that is an indication of our worth, it’s an indication of yours.
Most of the women I know are wild and free and looking forward to levitate the Dua Lipa way when they feel a connection with a special someone. I particularly can’t promise “forever” as she says in the song, but if they can keep the initial spark going for long, then … who knows? but we like to take one night at a time. Thanks ;D
And going back to the song that started this post…. any of those things are what are probably going wrong for the guy in the song.
Yes, she may find him attractive but if that man offers her no guarantees that they’re gonna have frequent, safe and consistent sex or if he doesn’t meet her other four requirements he could offer for her to see value in him… she may not fall for him or she may not even entertain him. Even if she finds him attractive and/or every cell of her body is begging her to have sex at that moment.
And then it may depend on her standards and the time of her life she’s going through and what they’re aiming to find at this particular point in her life.
The only positive thing about being this type of woman that has so many standards is that I know exactly how you can get her to trust you enough to give you one opportunity and even a second opportunity with her if you fucked up.
Why? Simple. Because I know what worked for those guys who managed to get some room in my agenda even when I wasn’t even willing to date men because I was and I still am mostly focused on my business and financial growth.
So if you need any help in getting the results you want even with the most difficult of women, you can hire me here for an hour of my time to give you advice on it, because my advice definitely works.