Being emotionally and financially independent is the best standard a person can have going on for themselves.
Why?
It gives people POWER.
How?
Easy, if someone you are aware that you have your life under control on your own you won’t feel the need to have anyone or let just anyone come into your life and start limiting your fun or cutting your wings short.
That way you are less likely to fall victims of any kind of emotional, financial, physical or psychological abuse from anyone. You don’t need them so why would you put up with their abusive or manipulative ways?
How can you become financially independent?
Simply by prioritizing your academic or career goals until you have ensured you have one or multiple sources of income going straight into your own bank account.
But most especially by not relying on your partner’s income as your one and only source of income. Because… … what if your partner suddenly decides to leave you when you least expect it? Don’t make it easy for anyone to compromise your financial independence. Always have something solid to rely on other than your partner. Ideally your own money making skills.
A lot of people say “all you need is love”. But have you tried paying your landlord with cuddles alone? Did it work for you?.
So let none of that romantic nonsense fool you, not even if someone swears they love you to the moon and back, never ever let anyone get in the way between you and your family, you and your friends, you and your career options, you and your customers. Because those who really do love you will want you happy, connected with your friends, etc.
True love will never try to limit you or cut your wings short. An insecure jealous partner creating drama in your life due to your life and career choices MOST DEFINITELY WILL DO, sooner or later.
How to become emotionally independent?
That’s one of the hardest thing to master. Hardly anyone would be in toxic relationships if we were all taught this skill… from an early age. To become emotionally self reliant is something that happens as a natural consequence of people constantly letting you down when you least expect it. There you see yourself facing adverse situations you thought you weren’t strong enough to deal with on your own, but you did, and they weren’t as bad as you thought. On top of that, you actually become … stronger. ,
Also you suddenly realize that the situation you had pictured in your mind was way worse than how it actually happened. So next time a tough situation comes along, you know you can make it through… somehow. That builds your self esteem and confidence. And that confidence allows you to try larger risks, because you’ve already touch bottom… so what could possibly be so hard to face next? Then giving up on a relationship that is no longer working, giving up on friends that aren’t loyal, changing jobs, moving to a different country, etc. All that becomes easy breezy and even necessary.
If you’ve been lucky enough not to experience such big let downs, don’t dispair! I have another technique that might be helpful to achieve the same results.
This technique consists of making yourself mentally ready for the possibility that whatever you depend on the most might fail you any second. How would you survive? what of? what other skills do you have to survive and thrive?
Entertaining this possibility may help you realize what you are really depending on and re-design your life in a way that if such a thing vanished, your life wouldn’t be affected in the slightest.
Feeling oneself ready for any given circumstance life can throw at you is an amazing copying mechanism. It will make you feel more grounded within yourself and you will rely less on other’s people company or support.
A lot of people put up with horrible behaviours just because they’re afraid of being alone.
So do yourself the biggest favour ever you could do for yourself and learn to be ok on your own. Learn to love being alone so much so that you would fear losing your future financial stability more than you would fear losing a person.
And why being financially and economically independent is a GAME changer?
Once you find comfort being alone you will not tolerate the slightest attempt of direspect or abuse. EVER AGAIN
We all know,. especially in men-female relationships power and control PLAYS an important role.
Having both usually translates as WALKING POWER.
And emotional independence is the most powerful and important one to have.
As I know plenty of people who have financial independence yet find themselves unable to leave dead-end or toxic relationships because they became too attached to a specific person or situation. Or simply the fear of being alone.
In fact, emotional independence is that knowledge and feeling that you can survive anything on your own, so being alone is not as scary than wasting years of your life being in the wrong relationship. When you are emotionally independent you are not afraid to set boundaries in order to ensure respect and peace of mind the moment someone pulls a nasty one on you, you’re not afraid that they might leave. You’re afraid that they might mess up your peace and your life for good. And that’s even worse. Making it harder as well for any relationship to get toxic or abusive in the future. People will know you’re not to mess around with.
Someone emotionally independent is always ready to give up a relationship the moment the first symptoms of abuse appear. Such red flags will make them stay alert and defend their ground any given moment.
Those who are emotionally independent don’t see the point of entertaining dead-end relationships. If they notice their partners have changed a lot, they no longer share the same vision or they clash too much, they may simply break up as soon as they reach such conclusion.
So please, never ever sacrifice your student/career or life goals to keep someone by your side.
However having financial independence is what makes anyone think twice before they try to abuse you or take you for granted. As if they’re slightly intelligent they’re aware you can walk away any second since you don’t depend on them for anything.
So whenever posible focus on your financial independence first. Because this is the only thing that can lead you to having healthier and more balanced relationships. Build your bank account first.
And women, remember to always stay loyal to your career and work goals because those won’t wake up one day and suddenly decide to disrespect you, leave you behind or replace you for another person.
Yes, I know, money doesn’t buy happines. But staying in a relationship where your income and your personal relationships are limited mostly due to your partner’s jealousy, ego or insecurities issues won’t make you happy either.
Remember that you do not need anyone else to validate your existence or your value. Having a relationship doesn’t define your value as a person. You do.
There are in fact a lot of people out there in horrible relationships just not to feel lonely. And the best people I know would rather be alone than entertain such misery.
How to feel so independent and confident if you haven’t got any career or financial security to back you up?
I know it may seem difficult to feel so confident when you feel your partner has earned way more money than you have working outside home up till this date. So here is something I wrote for those women who need to be reminded of their value.
How to use this power?
Ever since my comfort zone consists of having no comfort zone (20 years old) I’m always willing to challenge myself to new situations in life.
Therefore, the end of a relationship is not the end of my world as I know it. It usually signifies the end of a chapter and the beginning of a better one.
When things start getting unnecessary difficult I focus on all the new possibilities and opportunities that will be opening for me if that relationship ended. I often picture my future life without them and once I do so it’s almost impossible I would take those people back in my life.
It’s as if I liked more my life without their presence in it than the idea of being with them again. And that makes lose any kind of fear of losing them when estabilishing my dating rules or my standards.
Especially if those relationships started showing red flags of potential lack of respect, controlling, manipulative, abusive or neglectful behaviour.
So I have no fear then in saying “I like/love you, but if you’re going to be like this, I’m much better off on my own, so either you correct that behaviour or we break up”. And then I give them once or two opportunities and if they don’t get it right then I kick them out of my life. Because I understand I’m the responsible of things happening in my life and if I don’t like how someone treats me that someone has to get out of my life.
And if you happen to be independent both ways then here is where your power lays; you have the power to stop abusive relationships before they happen.
Yes, I know it’s not your fault if your partner has turned mean and abusive out of the blue. But it’s your fault if you allow and enable such dynamics to continue once you’re aware that their behaviour hurts you.
How can you prevent them from happening?
Like I just told you above. The moment things get unnecessarily difficult, please, take this as a warning sign that is not meant to be.
And no, this is not manipulation nor is it a power move. This is just you respecting your standards, you don’t want the above in your life so you break up. This is not a question of power moves or mind games.
If it turns out that it was all just a misunderstanding or they realize where they went wrong and truly regret it, oh well.
And if they aim to come back, first you must ensure whatever you do that you make the most of this situation to establish your boundaries clearly and assure them that such mistake won’t be tolerated ever again.
This power is way more effective when both of you live in different places.
So do not rush to move in with a person until you have a well established relationship with them.
And if this advice comes in too late for you because you might be already co-dependent financially (sharing flat, kids, assets, etc) or simply because you’re too attached to a certain person or situation then I would recommend you to start plotting your way out of that situation.
And if you fear that such a person might be dangerous, make sure you stay quiet about your job hunt, ask some friends to lend you some money, or do whatever it takes to get out of such a situation as if your life depended on it. BECAUSE IT MIGHT DO.
When we combine this standard with the fact that perhaps a relationship is not your priority number one then you multiply your power 1000 fold when it comes to ruling and living life on your terms.
And if someone comes with the slightest intention of cutting your wings short or limit you in any way, you cut them off straight away with no hesitation.
For me this standard is vital for those women who really want to live life on their terms and enjoy their freedom and/or in the company of the best of men that are out there.
I love the song below, it totally illustrates how these wild women rock their independent power wherever they go and don’t let themselves be tamed or owned by anyone, nevermind how the rapper is used to get his way with all sorts of women, he won’t get his way with financially and emotionally independent women at all.
Yes, men his kind might be used to get their way, but so could you, couldn’t you?
The fact that he pursues you so hard to get your time will make you feel sort of special? Probably. Who doesn’t like to feel flattered? But girls, don’t let that blind you from the fact that he may still have to prove you slowly but surely he has what it takes to contain a woman positively in the long run.
And perhaps I could be only good at being owned by men who truly respect my work, my freedom and my own decisions.
And I think most men find the traits of a financially and emotially independent woman way more enticing than those of a woman who drops it all to please them. Even if some may not be consciously aware of this.
And yes, there is no problem in being in a relationship and depend on your partner to certain level, not all men are gonna try to control you. Some may actually respect your wild.
But don’t let anyone ever tame you.
For more content,discounts, and articles of this nature, please subscribe here and have access to tons more articles now private.