You know when you feel kind of sorry that a man likes you but their efforts to get your attention are way below your standards? Especially when they’re so below that you’d rather act keen and eager in hopes he’ll give up the chase naturally on his own?
Not sure if you know what I’m talking about because not many women out there seem to have set standards high enough to avoid being messed up by their own emotions. Read more here on how to avoid falling in love with the wrong person.
Truth is that we will never know whether they are taking us seriously or not, whether they’re playing games on us or not, whether they’re taking advantage of us in ways we can’t imagine or not. But we can still definitely behave in ways that will show them we’re not to be played with/taken advantage of all that easily.
“What the “F” does this man want from me now? He could have had me back then, why is he coming back??”
Each time you find yourself asking yourself that very same question… it’s a symptom that there is some kind of game going on.
Please know there are certain possibilities as to why a man who disappeared decides to come back with attentions:
- He feels down and in need of an ego boost.
- He broke up with someone recently and needs a little company and thinks you’re always there willing and available to him.
- He fancies having some easy sex and he thinks you’re the easiest or fastest way there given the previous point. Even you two may never ever had sex with him, but he may think that if he tries again and plays his card right this time you might be the easiest choice.
- He just fancies finding out how much more or how little you respect yourself now. Believe it or not some men have standards of how they want the woman in their lives to behave. They test your limits of how little they can do and get away with what they want.
- Perhaps they made the wrong choice back then and now they come back wondering if you’re still available. After all you left the door open (didn’t block them).
- Perhaps it was you who dumped them and now they want to try again.
Feel free to add more in the comment section below.
Bearing in mind we’re never sure of what their intentions could be… Whatever their reasons in the past for chickening out, disappear and reappear the next question might be going on in your head:
Should I ignore them, set a boundary or should I simply entertain their attentions?
It’s up to you….
I would only entertain them if they have actually raised their game to meet my standards. Because if they play their cards right the thing could definitely turn hotter than hell.
Where there used to be fire….
But as Dua Lipa says in her song above “I’m not here to make you kneel but it’s praise that I get”. And I don’t know if you’re never ever been loved right before, but in my case it has happened, so it’s nearly impossible for me to accept less.
Thing here is that most guys may not be aware that they can offend a high value woman with their simplistic low effort approach to try and win your attention, perhaps they don’t realize they’re doing something wrong.
Remember that the majority of women out there drop everything just for a little bit of attention. And it’s ok if these men like it or want it that easy way. They think they do. But deep down they like a challenge.
At least the manly men do like a challenge. And I don’t know about you, but these days I only prefer the confident manly ones. Those are the ones that will do anything to impress you. Those are the ones who won’t mind putting the effort in because they’re confident it’s you they want. And they won’t shy away when it comes to show you that. And it feels sooo damn good when they do that I can’t go back to the insecure ones.
You can certainly help a man grow and try to communicate your standards in fun ways so hopefully they grow to be the kind of man you want. But I don’t recommend that anymore. I only entertain grown-up men these days.
And if you, like me, want a true grown up man, whenever you’re dating or contacting regularly a man and they suddenly dissappear like for three days in a row… block them off your phone.
Why? because that’s a symptom they’re immature and insecure.
Because otherwise…. he’ll come back when you’ve moved on completely.
This song is awesome for those who chickened out due to insecurities, selfishness, inmature feelings, etc.
Well, he would only come back if you actually allow him to by keeping the door open (not blocking him or unblocking him if you had him blocked already).
Perhaps he never left but you just cut him off because him trying to breadcrumb you or just give a tiny wee of his attention to keep you going was kind of offensive to your sense of self-worth and self-respect.
And you should always choose respect over attention.
And when he comes back, ASK YOURSELF;
“Do I still like him? what do I like him for? If the answer is NO. Then chances are that you just want some sort of revenge for the way in which you felt he humilliated you, let you down, failed to see your worth, disrespected you or treated you as a second option.
I don’t recommend this option because chances are that this man may have always been a player and could always end up being a player. No matter what you do. So, no matter what you do he may never see your worth or regret the ways in which he hurt you in the past. I don’t recommend this option at all. More on this you will find in Option 1.
Do I want to work it out and see if there is any potential for a proper relationship with him now? play my cards better this time around perhaps?
Sometimes we feel we’re very suited to each other or we do really like or love this person and we feel we made a couple of mistakes that would be easily avoidable this time around. Etc. In that case you may want to try option 2.
Do I want to bury the hatchet, forgive and move on with my life?
This one is the best of all. As I take it that if it didn’t work in the past perhaps it’s a symptom that you’re not destined to be together, that we’re not “a match” so … why bother wasting all that time and effort in it?.
CHOOSE AND FOLLOW YOUR OPTION
PLAY TO REVENGE
Just to satisfy your hurt ego or something like that.
ADVICE; I only recommend to play this game if you’re single, bored and unattached to the end result.
Unless you, like me, want to become a coach and would like to have the experience first hand so you can advice your female customers better as to why is best not to play with fire. But find a way to do so and not ending up getting burn.
As long as you are doing this for pure entertainment, fun, training purposes and you’re fully aware that you can lose and become attached to them then go ahead and do it. I must admit it feels good to feel like you’re getting your power back, even if it’s often considered a bad idea.
I personally think you get your power back much better if you don’t even indulge into the game. Basically, if you seduce him and then move on.
A lot of men come back because they like the game, the drama, the attention, the ego boosts, etc.
Maybe only one per cent want you back because they’re truly sorry for having made a mistake, taking you for granted or neglecting you.
Only you know what happened in the past and whether he deserves any time of your life and attention now after what happened then.
I hope by the time he comes back into your life you have reached that wild and dangerous emotional and economical independence that will keep you grounded on your current priorities rather than on men.
Because you won’t be able to win this game otherwise.
Some men out there love a woman who represents a challenge for them. So unless you are that kind of woman that has her standards super high and that is not afraid to reject their advances because you’re fully aware this person doesn’t meet your standards any more… you won’t be able able to get even or end on top. You will end just being played. Again.
Hence why I don’t recommend it at all unless your confidence and self esteem are unshakeable. And unless you have such a great control of your body and emotions that nobody can tempt you to fall into temptation with them.
Because for this game to work you have to be and feel bloody awesome in your own skin and he must feel it. And you must be ready to reject him any of his advances. Each time he tries and you don’t fall for it you get points and he loses some. That’s the best and most efficient way to get even.
HOW TO TURN REVENGE INTO A GOOD GAME??
This is way more cruel than let him have your body, your time or your attention.
Why? Well, let’s say you will be playing the role of a fool, allowing him to make some moves whilst you’re fully aware you won’t fall for it when his real intentions show up.
You can pretend to be his friend, you can pretend you don’t even notice he’s trying to get closer and closer to you. And then by you being your genuine self you can actually make him fall in love with you.
You have nothing to lose by being yourself.
But of course, the self that has high standards and is fully aware that she will reject him when he makes a move that doesn’t meet her standards.
You just have to be your fun self, be awesome and let him do all the efforts. I mean, if he so wants to play, why not teach him how to play?? You may end up winning if you play your cards right.
He needs to realize it’s him who is always putting the effort to get closer to you.
And this is hard to do (resist the temptation to try and send him something or make a move yourseelf) but it’s necessary for this game to work.
And he may have a lot to lose, and yet you have to let him do whatever he feels like doing when it comes to “moves”. If he wants to risk a current relationship just to get to know you better, well, you’ve got to let him do so. Obviously you are aware you won’t help him be unfaithful at all. You know you won’t indulge into anytthing because your high standards don’t allow you to be taken as less than a priority. So entertaining men as “lovers” is not among your goals at all.
What I mean is that perhaps his relationship is dull, perhaps he always wanted you more than he ever wanted his current partner and perhaps he’s the man that played you the hardest and you’re seeking kind of revenge or a way to play your cards right. So usually when your standards will ask you to remove yourself from the situation, you can pretend he’s just probably just trying to be a friend… and play it as a friend.
It’s not your fault if he wants to play games with you he’s gonna lose.
Obviously it seems he may think he’s going to win them or else he wouldn’t play. Perhaps he thinks he can have his cake and eat it. But you have to be merciless on this and you won’t allow him to get that.
And if at any step of the game you feel you are getting attached to him. Block him or cut him off.
Don’t you dare indulge in sex. That would only give him points and you’ll end up attached and losing the game.
And if teaching a man a lesson about how the game is played when he shouldn’t be playing games with me because he’s taken makes me a bad bitch. Oh well, then I am a bad bitch with morals.
But it’s not my fault he wants and tries to play with fire. And the more I reject his advances the more he risks to play the game.
To the point he himself realizes I must be totally worth the risk. And that’s when you realize you’re even and you can end the game. Right here. You don’t have sex with him if he’s got other options or a partner.
Why?
Remember, high standards. High standards won’t let you be a second option to anyone.
Even if now he’s infatuated with you and may want sex so badly because he’s curious and therefore doing whatever sweet efforts to get it. You can’t just lower your standards because one day or one week does a lot for you.
Because…. How long is that going to last? and can you for real let a man have sex with two women at once? don’t you have any sense of self worth? how could you be with a man that is lying to another woman? And how can you be sure he won’t do the same to you?
Honestly, this feels more like revenge than having him. Even if he’s not into a relationship with anyone and just dating around.
Be the one he can’t have. That’s the best revenge.
Because most men would stay with their partners because that’s easier. Especially once they had what they wanted from you.
So if you want to play your cards right this time.
Demand consistency in his efforts for quite some while.
And fear not cutting him off and moving on if he’s not consistent at it.
If he’s any worth it and he really really likes you and his feelings for you are genuine…. then he would do whatever it takes to be with you.
From leaving his ego at the door and call you, go where you live, end a previous relationship and more. And if he does… then that’s a bonus.
But if he doesn’t, at least you have kept your dignity intact till the very end of the game.
But don’t count on it happening. Most men are cowards and lame.
You cut him off simply because he’s not being the man you want to end up with. Or he’s not proving yet to be that man.
So as mentioned above… if you’re confident you want to come out and play for a little while, Taylor has some tips on the song below.
Alternatively, I’ve seen every game under the sun and you can book a coaching session with me to get those men to actually fall at your feet if that’s what you want.
However….. before you let the games begin perhaps you should …..
THINK AGAIN: Does that guy actually deserve any of your time and energy? Do you even get paid for this emotional rollercoaster you might end up suffering? what do you even get out of this? Does “getting even” justify falling for him again?”.
Answer honestly to yourself. In my case these days I’d rather be single.
Sometimes I try to indulge for a reminder of how it used to feel like being in this situation so I can understand my female clients better.
However, I find it very hard to lower my standards. Afer all my mantra is “if a man wants me badly enough he’ll find a way to step up to my high standards and make it work, until such a man is on my doorstep I’d much rather just focus on work”.
Remember playing games can be incredibly frustrating and could turn seriously addictive and you may regret ending up feeling like Kerli sings in the song below.
But if games work … perhaps the games might be totally worth it.
And I honestly prefer to be good but sometimes I’m better at being bad to those who like to play with fire and seem to want to play with that side of me instead of playing with the best of me.
However, just remember and bear in mind that usually these men are often insecure, emotionally unavailable, unsure of their feelings for you, players or all the previously mentioned all rolled into one.
THINK AGAIN
“Do I even want this guy totally head over heels in love with me when I’m not even sure I want him for the long run?.
Because if you play like I can teach you privately how to do…. I know they end up all heads over heels in love with me.
But do I really want them to?? Do you really want them to??
Do you want to break their heart if they pretend they’re ok with a FWB ??
Am I breaking their heart if they end up totally in love with me when they actually realize I’m unlike any other woman they have met before?”
In my case I have been with men who acted or were players and they fell victims of their own game.
Surely it’s their fault they understimated my value from the beginning because it’s not like I lead them with bad intentions. I’m totally honest and clear about my intentions and goals from the get-go.
They just choose to ignore them and by doing so they end up breaking their own hearts by thinking they can end up melting my heart or changing my mind about my plans and goals.
And even though it’s not my fault. I can’t help but feeling slightly guilty for leading them to such a heartbreak once I know I often have such an effect on men me just by me being me and staying focused on my goals.
So I strongly recommend you to date with purpose and use your time wisely.
Do not waste time playing with men you don’t see as “the one” for you.
Because chances are when you follow my advice you could turn ANY game into “the end game” for them. And that’s hearbreaking for them and painful to watch, and also it’s time that you could have spent better playing games only with “the one” you’re confident you want for real.
So only dare to play the game with whoever seems to be “the one” for you.
Otherwise you may end up with a big bad reputation for breaking hearts.
Because outsmarting the men who think are fooling you or playing you gives you a bad reputation somehow.
First meaningful boyfriend I ever had happened just entertaining one of his games. I mean, perhaps none of us were willingfully trying to hurt each other. We just entertained each other for fun. We liked each other but we hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers on purpose for about three months. We would go out and bump into each other. We just kissed and played around until it was time to go home. He was single, and ohhh so proud to be single, and that is exactly why I chose him among all the other men trying to get in with me at the time. Only because of his willingness not to commit to anything because he was like my male counterpart because I wanted to be single too as I had plans of moving abroad several months down the line and finding/having a boyfriend was the last thing on my list at at that time. Each time he said he didn’t want anything serious I told him about my plans of moving abroad… but for some reason is like he didn’t believe me.
When time came in which I had to break up to pursue my dreams… like I had always imagined them…. apparently I broke up his heart because I chose to stick to my goals like I always told him I would.
I asked him why didn’t he listen, because is not like I led him to believe otherwise. I just happen to be lovely while I’m entertaining someone but that doesn’t mean I’ll drop my life goals in a relationship I didn’t even plan to have. He said he fell in love with me like he had never fell in love with anyone before. Like I discovered he could feel way much more than he had felt in previous relationships and he liked that. And he secretly hoped that by him having all those feelings for me he would be able to change my mind.
And that was beautiful and amazing but that’s not the reason why I got involved with him in the first time. Had I been looking for something serious and someone to end up my days with I would have chosen differently or I would have ensured he had all the qualities I was looking to find in a long-term partner. I chose him just for fun not for a committed relationship. We had a deadline in mind.
And that’s why it’s heartbreaking. I was honest from the get go with my plans and goals. But that doesn’t seem to stop them from falling in love deeper than they thought they could. And he was the first accident in that sense. I have had several more that now lead me to believe it’s best not to entertain anything with anyone unless I’m 100% confident I can see myself with them for the end of time. And that was my goal with my husband. But I missed the red flags back in the day.
Had I blocked him when he stopped texting me like for an entire week when we were like getting to know each other and he was like texting daily… I could have actually moved on onto the next destiny had aligned for me. But I didn’t block him and as soon as I met the other guy and came back home that weekend he had texted me back.
I don’t know if he was playing power games or simply trying other options. All I know is that later on down the I saw I wasn’t definitely his first choice even if he ended up marrying me. And as I say. I don’t entertain such miseries.
So these days I just keep all men at bay because I’m once again more focused on work goals than I am on relationship goals.
So if entertaining the game of love with anyone is gonna make them expecting me to drop my goals for them… this is the best way to avoid wasting my time.
I know the games so well I could play them all and I could win them all. But do I want to waste time of my life to play them?
Hell no, I no longer have energy for that. I have better things to do with my time and energy than playing games these days.
So my advice is that if you’re single and you still want him then ignore anything that comes from him that is not the kind of attentions you would really like to receive from him. And pay very close attention for the red flags. If he drops communication with you all of a sudden… let that man go. Because all it means is that for a while he entertained you as a second choice or a back up plan. And even if you could turn him into your husband because you are better than him at playing such games… is it worth it??
No, you deserve someone who chooses you and always you. From the get go. One that is confident you’re the best option or the best choice for him. So he doesn’t deviate or someone who doesn’t seem to take you into their life as a “placeholder” for the one that they couldn’t find. So if that man disappears off the rader for longer than two or three days, block him.
But be ready to lose, some men don’t even have got the brains to work out different approaches, others don’t have the willingness or the patience to find out enough about you to figure you out.
That’s why these days I only entertain geniuses or nothing at all.
If you block him and his feelings were genuine… he will try harder if you make it difficult. And that could lead him to realize and grow his feelings for you.
But if he doesn’t try harder honestly he’s not for you anyway, you want a true genius, not an idiot, not a player and not a total waste of time.
So don’t dare lower your standards to accomodate to their inefficient or low investment efforts, unless you are an emotionally detached single female coach like me and willing to ensure your advice really works.
Sometimes I pretend I take the bait just for training purposes, and it can be fun, but it’s hard to take less when you’re used to “more”. So I end up blocking them for good. Because I’m not easily accesible for lame easy low investment games and pretending to have lower standards than I have it’s hard to fake and take sometimes. It’s hard to act like a woman I’m not anymore.
And I know my standards are sort of extremely high but I would not take any less. Men who want me will have to either work their way up to meet them organically or such a man is not even worth my time, energy and attention.
Nevermind how much hotter than hell it could be if they actually did manage to raise their standards.
So If a man doesn’t want me to play around with their hearts they should leave me alone or treat me right from the get go. Otherwise they’re lending themselves to be taught how the game is played.
But if by any chance they start trying to get my hopes high, trying to make me fall in love with them to later string me along as if I were some kind of second option or back-up plan. Oh, well, they had it coming.
And if they regret having treated me that way then they’re gonna have to put a hell lot more effort to turn the situation around.
And if them playing games wasn’t intentional they would have no issue in being honest, being vulnerable real and call to apologize for the misunderstanding, confusing or misleading behaviour.
But a narcissist or a playboy would never do that because admitting they’re wrong it’s something they just can’t do at all. Unlesss it’s a fake apology.
But until that happens if it happens I’ll cut them all off once I finally had my fun teaching them I’m not to be messed around.
If you want to be left alone or at peace.
Now, this is what I truly recommend to do with people that come back from the dead. If you, like me, are confident that you are bored of the games and you just want someone that is real, honest and focused only on you.
Be honest and straight forward. And don’t be scared to scare them away.
Say “Hi! I’m good thanks, but I would appreciate if you stop texting me unless it’s for X, Y or Z. No hard feelings, I just want to focus on those that want the same things I do”.
You could leave them there on your contact list if you think they will respect it. And if they reappear again for crumbs. Then you can just simply block them because understand this, they just simply don’t respect you.
I’ve been too nice because that’s who I am and I have faked interest or replied back because sometimes it’s easier and faster to let them think you’re still an option to them than it is to set firm boundaries.
But that only leads to them keep coming back for more whenever they feel.
So nothing screams louder that you’re not an option anymore than being bold enough to block them off your list first time around they don’t behave organically according to your standards.
You want people who won’t disappear, treat you like an option, die and come back to life. You want people who are confident all they want is you. Anything less is settling for less.
Peace of mind is priceless… if you say what you’re feeling… there is nothing to hide… there is nothing for them to play with. Is there?
It’s also the bravest approach out there to find out what type of man he actually is. So it’s a win-win situation for you.
I’ve levelled up too high to let them think I’m here for whenever they want me to. The thing either goes my way or won’t go any other way at all. I’m bossy like that and they’ve got to put far more effort for it to work and it’s not my fault if they can’t figure out how. I would only be interested in the ones who do figure it out and do it.
And the ones who can actually openly discuss about their feelings and emotions for you. Only those are mature enough for a healthy relationship.
Trust me, you only want the ones that will be confident and brave enough to be vulnerable. Not the ones you want them to be kind because they aren’t.
Because you can make a million excuses for their behaviour and you and yet he may be just playing you. Leading you to believe he has more feelings for you than he actually has.
So once you’re honest with them about what you want from them and how you feel about them.. give them like a time frame in your mind for them to impress you positively in the sense that they’ve actually got it and are willing to put the effort in consistently. Otherwise… block block block.
Now… don’t allow him to have months and years. We are talking about taking action in weeks or days. Life moves fast and there is no time to waste on the wrong ones.
Only guys who exceed my expectations of how I want to be treated will be welcomed or deserve to be able to contact me these days.
Trust me, not all men are players, there are some brave wild guys out there who will put the effort in order to deserve your time and attention no matter what.
And if I have found some of those with all my super high standards guaranteed that you can find some more if you stick to these basic standards I recommend each single woman to have. ;D
Truth is that if he had among your contacts and he truly wanted to ask you out he would already have. Those are the kind of men you want. The rest are just clutter in your mind, your energy and your contact list.
I don’t wanna date or entertain cheaters, players and losers; not even for a non-committed yet exclusive love affair which is all I could actually be up to entertain these days ;D.
But if the man is genuine and he finds a way to prove it…. then guaranteed I can blow up their mind”.
I guess they intuitively know that. Otherwise they wouldn’t be coming back for more.
If I were a man seriously interested in dating women with high standards I’ll be reading here to find out how to earn an opportunity now with one of these women.