Set Standards – Single Ladies

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Here are some songs that may guide you in this topic of having some basic standards when it comes to have any kind of relationships with men.

What do you need?

Have you ever actually wondered what do you want from a man or another person at all? Like… really, what is it that you really need from them? is it love? just sex? attention? appreciation? respect? companionship? a relationship status? marriage? children? stability? all of those together? none of those?

Well, now it’s the time you can actually have a serious deep think about it.

The sooner you do come up with the answer the faster you’ll be able to just date guys who are worth your time and emotional investment.

But actually, not needing a man is the smartest thing a woman can do for herself.

Reading the standards and adding these songs to a playlist will keep you reminded of having these standards in place. So when an interesting and attractive man shows up in your life, you’re able to stay focused and remember the right kind of attention you need and want from men as well as all the other things he needs to bring to the table to make wasting any time on him worth your while. These basic standards should be si ne qua non if you really want to be happy with or without men.

Some are standards are also just for you to have in order to be better and attract better quality men into your life. Some like the one below can make you so powerful no man will ever be able to bring you down or make you feel insecure ever again. Because no man can knock you down ofF a pedestal you’ve built for yourself.

Become emotionally and financially independent first

Before really wanting any kind of relationship you should work on getting your sh*t together. This is a total game changer and deserves an entry of its own. But a summary can be found in the lyrics of the song below.

It can be scary to some insecure men to bump into a woman who doesn’t need them at all, but only the intelligent confident men know these are the kind of women who are actually the best ones to have; they just want quality respectful supportive company and passion on the few spare time they’ve got left. Since they don’t have much time off it’s easier to provide that on the few times you can actually get together. No stress, no drama. Just random quality time spent together when you both can.

Don’t be another option

A very old tune but still spot on when it comes to setting up standards. If you feel like he’s not making concrete plans perhaps he’s treating you as an option and it’s up to you to say “no, thanks” when it seems he just ask you out last minute or as a last resort. I only choose among those who make me a priority straight away or nothing at all. I sometimes pretend to settle for less to verify my knowledge on the topic as a coach, but no, if you settle for less, you’ll end up with less. Do you want a guy to treat you right? it all starts with you not allowing anyone to treat you as an option or back up plan.

Set specific time spans for things to happen

I actually didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics of this song when it first came out, the chorus makes me cringe a bit because I don’t think my partner has to befriend my friends or family. But relationships can also break if he doesn’t have cordial and normal social interaction with them.

“If you wanna get with me better make it fast, now don’t go wasting my precious time, get your act together, we could be just fine”.

Now, you’re not going to pressure the man into doing anything, no. Not at all. You won’t even let the guy know about this at all because this is a standard for you to measure and gauge his genuine real interest in you. The longer the amount of days he can go without contacting you, asking you out again or texting you the smaller his interest you. And remember, you want to be his priority not an option he remembers when the other first options are not there and he eventually remembers about you. More about this topic on push the button

Notice as well how they’re up front, clear and honest about what they want. “And as for me, ahh you’ll see” or not. XD

Suffer not, when it’s your choice to stay away from guys who do not show interest in a set span of time you feel better about yourself and other guys come rushing in. It’s not like you’ll be alone waiting for something to happen. You keep going to social activities, getting to know new people and stuff, working on achieving your goals, etc.

Keep it pure but Hot AF

Similar thing happened with this song.

If you aim to have a serious loving and committed relationship with a particular man then you need to make that man wait. Yes. Why?

Well, first of all you need to see if you really like that man enough, and you can’t tell unless he really has some opportunities to actually display himself in a wide range of opportunities, so you can see how he interacts with other people, how does he treat the waiter, how long can he keep the courtship going without wanting any kind of commitment or exclusive deal? does he make plans for the two of you? does he buy you any meaningful gifts? too many too soon? red flag, none at all? red flag as well. In the meantime you can also test him out on patience and respect, like… how well is he handling the fact of not having had any sex yet? LOL.

If you’re confident though that now you’re just looking for a casual hook up….. keep reading below.

Don’t let them in your heart… Too soon

Whether you want a long term relationship or not, you ought to think smart… test him in bed first before making the decision. Once tested in bed a couple of times and consistently, then, and only then you may sort of relax and consider whether you like them or not as to keep dating as FWB or committed relationship or not at all.

Needless to say, if you feel pressured to have sex, DON’T HAVE IT. The right guy should be respectful of your choice as to when and how. Only have sex when it feels biologically good for you BOTH to do so. Refuse to have unprotected sex. Always remember it’s your body who gets pregnant. Also remember… is it worth catching a Sexually transmitted illness just for a guy you’re testing in bed before making up your mind whether you want more or not with him? DEFINITELY NOT.

Before you let your emotions run wild for them enough as to risk diseases, pregnancy or getting hooked on someone who’s not worth your time you ought to THINK and ask yourself the following questions:

Do you both like the same frequency? are you ok with less? are you ok with more? are you both daring to explore new stuff under the sheets? are you ok with it if he were/weren’t? are quickies ok? do you need a lot of foreplay? slow and soft or fast and rough? kinky or vanilla? whatever you like you need to ensure you two are both on the same page. And yes, I seriously encourage you to do so before you get attached emotionally to him at all. Why? It’s easier to let go when you’re objetive. And never understimate sexual chemistry, it can save you from unfaithfulness and what not when it flows properly.

Let the games begin

Most single women just take the first guy that pays them some kind of attention as if they were male attention starved (which some might be). And they get physically and emotionally attached from day one. But trust me, rarely any relationship that starts like this leads to any amazing sex or long-term relationship. Unless you’re truly confident you can detach easily, as Kylie confesses doing in her song and then you can just enjoy casual non-committed sex with them as Kyle does. More about playing games can be read here.

One night stands – Friends with Benefits

Hehe and if really all you want is occassional safe sex, regardless with whom Pink also has standards on how to choose a good one for that purpose and absolutely no shame about it! lol. 

Even for friends with benefits you need to set a standard of how often or how exclusive your encounters will be. Like.. what is the point of having a lover who is miles away? be objective and clear and talk it all out before you even consider dating such guy again. Unless you just want a one off.

But be warned, f**kboys are most likely to like you more if you do not give a flying f**k about them after having sex with them. So you may end up hurting their egos if you ignore them or regret having sex with them afterwards. And if they’re immature they may not understand why you’re not chasing them back and they may need to retaliate calling you bad names.

Now that’s called a double standard. Men can go having sex any night with any girl, unprotected and uncommitted with no feelings involved and that’s being a super macho man. If a woman does the same they’re considered cold and heartless super whores. When in reality they’re both just equal human beings who fancy mating like the rest of the animal species. 

Demand Respect

When a man talks to you in a way that seems a bit off right from the start… don’t date them again, don’t give them your phone, don’t allow them on your social media. Unless you want to be treated that way in the future again by that person, of course. Remember; what you allow will continue. And it usally gets worse over time.

Seek for Integrity

I don’t share. Nor do I steal. Although I firmly believe a man can’t be stolen without his explicit consent either. However, I don’t go on romantic dates with guys that I know are taken. In the past I was naive enough to think that if a guy hitted on me or was flirting openly with me was because he was single. Wrong. 

It’s not only out of respect to the other woman, but to myself and my own standards. I wouldn’t want anyone who cheats. If he cheats on her he could potentially cheat on me. I prefer those who are brave enough to break up their relationships when they feel too strongly for somebody else. But of course, that’s up to you. Not all guys are players, some might be lost in the wrong relationship and once with you they will never ever cheat again. But I prefer to have a drama free life and not test the waters in that sense.

Integrity means doing the right thing even when no one is looking. I quite recommend you to add integrity among the desirable traits you need a man to have and I strongly recommend you making it a trait of yours too. You will have way less drama in your life, guaranteed.

Want to get with me? break up, heal and then….. seek for an opportunity with me. That’s the right way to do things with integrity. Also, you’ll have less jealous exes drama and he might be less likely to dump you for her ex.

Make no time for Suckers

When you take your time seriously and you have many goals to accomplish you haven’t got much time left to entertain people who do nothing for you and bring little to no value to your life at all. This song is a great reminder of that.

Here is how to recognize suckers, game players and time wasters! ;D

Make Them want to run to the hills

Yeps… I am honest and open and I’m not scared to send them away stating clearing what I want and what I will not tolerate. I’m stingy with my time, that’s for sure. And that filters a lot of men. If you, like me, only like the brave daring ones, then you’ll only be left with those if you, like me, warn them as in the song below. Some players may still try, but if you implement all those standards above, you should be able to see through and say “no, thanks” to any of their advances.

And yes, I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not scared of ending up alone. I think I’ve been wanting to be wild and free for as long as I was 19. Pretty much the time when guys started falling head over heels for me even if they claimed the didn’t want a relationship at all. Those ended up being exclusive and some even ended up in marriage. So no. This time around… I prefer to let them know I’m addictive so they better make their choice whilst they still can.

Those who warn are not traitors. Not my fault if they don’t believe me and they decide to go ahead hoping I’ll end up feeling the same for them or changing my life goals for them. More about this on this entry.

This also has happened for friends who did not want a relationship. It is bound to happen when you really love yourself enough to be genuine, honest, straight forward, respect yourself and have all the standards above in place.

You suddenly become like the one who has blown their minds away because they had never experience anything in their entire lives before like they’ve done it with you. But when I say I don’t want a serious relationship, I really mean it. Not my fault if you want to fool yourself reading more into my eyes and trusting that instead.

If you’re one of my wild women you’ll know it because most of your exes will want you back anytime and any man that you deal with won’t want to get out of your life or lose you. But they’ll inevitably do when they start slacking or as soon as you keep levelling up and your standards keep getting higher and higher for them to keep you remotely interested or motivated in such company at all.

Be as picky as you want

Once I started being aware of all the standards I had and what I could offer myself I soon realized that I was becoming more and more attractive to men. The moment I realized I’m one of those who always gets what she wants in the end, I decided to aim higher. Because believe it or not it seems the higher you set your standards the higher the quality of men you attract. And high quality men will always go the extra mile to prove they’re interested in you. Read more about it here.

Challenge them

Be afraid not to lose them. If they say they want but they don’t make an action towards achieving that goal find creative ways to avoid seeing them until they meet your criteria, if ever. If they don’t do it…. then you saved yourself a huge amount of heartache and feelings of rejection right from the start.

Those who don’t put the effort in either don’t like you enough or are not good enough. And none of those are good enough for you to entertain. Period.

Don’t be So Easily Impressed

Supporting the theory above…. when you get guys trying in a way that makes you kind of cringe because they don’t meet your standards at all. Instead of settling for whatever you get remember Shania’s song, reject or ignore then and move on. More extended content on this standard clicking on this link.

Choose only among the Winners

So far so good the best men I have ever met were financially secur and/or have worked for themselves. I mean, there could be so much potential out there…. truth, but do you want a project of a man or do you want a grown up man who wins in life?

I know that a man with such qualities may not allow for much spare time together and that’s why relationships with people like that could be amazing for a woman who is also independent, has her own business, friends, hobbies, family and hustles. These days I only entertain winners or no men at all. But well, that’s my standard based on my own freedom needs and male wants. Doesn’t have to be yours. Hence why it’s important you make sure you know what you want and need in life so you can find it easier by setting up standards that will filter out all those people who don’t meet them. If any man wanted at all.

Freedom

Nothing belongs to you more than those you give freedom to do whatever they want yet they keep coming back to you. 😉

And guess what? when an intelligent man finds a woman who lets them have their freedom, their friends, their hobbies, a woman who doesn’t make demands on their time, a woman who doesn’t create drama yet takes no bullshit whatsoever then that woman gets to be the chosen one for them.

Guys totally dig these women, please notice song below. And if you’re a guy with a woman of this kind in mind and you’re clueless on how to get her read here to what kind of treatment she’s used to…. because she won’t take any less.

 

Is he so amazing he will accept an upgrade?

If you set your standards right from the get go or as soon as you feel a new standard needs to be implemented and that guy is still keeping up with it all…. Congratulations!!!… you may have got yourself a keeper!!.

Perhaps you don’t have the means as Beyoncé does in order to upgrade a guy to purple labels (nor may you be into all that commercial shit she sings in the song below) but I hope you catch my drift, perhaps the guy is only a waiter who is not aiming higher, you may want to inspire him to become the best at his job or to be a restaurant manager instead, you can inspire him to dress better, learn how to cook, want to look better for you and do better just to see you proud of him.

Oh and what an amazing evolved and developed man he has to be to be vulnerable enough to admit and accept he can be even better than he already thinks he is.

Basically be the woman a man needs and not the woman who needs a man

You can be the one who inspires him to be his best or do his best, you can teach him how far he can go to make you happy because just your smile or to make you happy lights up his day enough to want to make such things just for you.

The things guys find themselves doing just to be with you is what will make them value you more than anyone else. Because suddenly they’ll find they are able and inspired to do things they didn’t think themselves were capable of doing for a woman before. And so, that woman makes them feel more alive and better with themselves.

And you’ll know this is the case when they’ll start saying things like “”wow… I’ve never done anything like this before for anyone, but you make me want to do it and I do it without even feeling it’s a sacrifice or anything” or “I didn’t even know I had feelings like these for anyone until I met you”… and their consistent behaviour will support those words. 

But for that to happen you may have to have the qualities of a wild queen

That is a quality you can have by following all these standards yourself plus plenty of your own according to your personal taste, goals or needs.

Purpose of your life it’s to live a life… not finding a man.

Remember your purpose is to find a way to live happy on your own.

Forget about men until you find and achieve your purpose. In the meantime you can set the standards as high as you want. After all… the only ones worth entertaining will be the ones who meet them. Aren’t they? And still, you shouldn’t get involved in a relationship until you’re financially free and emotionally independent, so nobody has the power to cause havoc in your life if they leave or dump you. It’s not a question of not trusting people, it’s more a question of having your own back first. Then be wise with whom you let in, don’t let them threat your financial or emotional health in any way. The good ones would never want to make you compromise any of those. The good ones want what is best for you too.

Remember you don’t need a man… you need yourself. And you also need time for your friends, family, work, hobbies and projects.

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And it’s impossible that once you have all those standards in place you won’t start meeting amazing guys who actually meet such standards.

Be ready to feel conflicted

Being single for me is currently the right thing to do. I have no time and no energy to work at keeping connections and relationships being the amazing they need to be for me to actually entertain them. Relationships take too much time I’m not willing to invest on them to make them work. But that doesn’t mean I’m lonely or alone.

In fact, your decision to stay single may feel constantly challenged by men described here. They definitely do exist and they just give you all you could have ever dreamed of, all you could wish for, and all that attention you’ve seen happening in rom coms and books.

And resisting or rejecting such a winner and keeper it’s hard, because they’re soooo soooo good they’ll leave you addicted, conflicted and confused. 😛

They will certainly leave you thinking like; “Really? now? just now that all I want is to be single and left on my own to focus on my business I get such an amazing man’s attention all to myself, one I can definitely date and date time and time again and it’s always fun? now that I am not ready to enjoy it 100%?. Now that I don’t want to depend on anyone else but myself?. Perhaps that’s why. It will take you stay focused on your goals instead of on getting a man that will attract such men worth entertaining for real.