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Here are some songs that may guide you through this process of setting and keeping some basic standards when it comes to your relationships with men.

Implement these and you won’t be messed around by your feelings for men or confused by their actions ever again.

What do you need?

Have you ever actually asked yourself what do you really want from a man at all?

is it love? just sex? attention? appreciation? respect? companionship? a relationship status? marriage? support? children? stability? all of those together? none of those?

Well, now it’s the time you can actually have a serious deep thinking about it.

The sooner you do come up with the answer the faster you’ll be able to just date guys who will be worth your while.

Actually, not needing a man is the smartest thing a woman can do for herself but there is nothing wrong in valuing, wanting and appreciating a good man. And yes, I’m aware there are plenty of good men out there, but if you don’t know what you want, it’s way harder to recognize them.

Reading with interest, implementing and adding the following songs into a “standard playlist” that you can play as often as possible will remind you of those behaviours you ought to keep in mind in order to decide wisely if that man can provide what you’re looking for in a relationship, be it for short or long term relationship goals.

These basic standards should be si ne qua non if you really want to be happy in your next relationships with men or life over all.

When you also meet most or all the standards I mention below you’ll see how there might be no man able to drag your spirits down or make you feel insecure. And that’s a priceless empowering feeling that also makes you magnetic AF.

Become independent

Before really wanting any kind of serious relationship with a man you should work on getting your sh*t together. This is a total game changer and deserves an entry of its own. But a summary can be found in the lyrics of the song below.

This of being financially and economically independent may scare a lot of insecure boys but will attract all the intelligent confident men I would like you to be dating instead.

Don’t be another option

A very old tune but still spot on when it comes to setting up this standard.  I sometimes pretend to settle for less to verify my knowledge on the topic as a dating/relationship coach and the field research I’ve carried out shows that if you settle for less, you’ll end up with less, 100% guaranteed.

Do you want a guy to treat you right? it all starts with yourself and what you allow them to do to you. So remember; if something happens on the first date or few dates you’re talking to each other…  remove yourself from the equation when that happens. Don’t even give them a second chance. Chances are they think if you allowed it once, you’ll allow it more than once, so they’ll keep doing that. 

As for my real dating life… I only choose among men that make me a priority straight away and go all the way in from the get go or else I’m way better off on my own. But then again, I’m currently still on a personal challenge which might as well be one of the biggest excuses ever to avoid love and relationships while I’m more obsessively working on my business goals… so…  I just avoid men and relationship over all. Unsure what it will take them to get me interested anymore.

Set specific time spans for things to happen

I actually didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics of this song when it first came out, the chorus makes me cringe a bit too much but I like how they set a couple of these standards. On this one we’ll focus on the time span.

“If you wanna get with me better make it fast, now don’t go wasting my precious time, get your act together, we could be just fine”.

But don’t you go and tell him “you have till Tuesday to make up your mind”.

Oh no. If you tell him what to do to impress you he can then pretend to care more than he actually does and eventually play you or fumble you in the long run. It’s best to see what comes natural for him to do.

Remember. You have to like the real him. Not the him making an effort to win you, not the him being aware he has to make an effort to win you. But who he REALLY is when he thinks he can take you or take your interest for granted.

And be smart, don’t let any man who hasn’t asked you out officially for dinner or lunch date yet waste any of your time, unless, you, like me, are at times doing interesting field research on the topic to discuss about it with facts and data to back all this info up, like I did for you.

More about the relevance of this standard and who should make a move first and why I thoroughly believe it should be men, here.

Don’t dispair to be single a loooong while before anyone actually asks you out properly for a dinner/ lunch date! Those who don’t… are just not taking you seriously anyway. So let them go figure it out with someone who is as confused about what they want as these man that don’t take a serious bet on you are.

And still, if the guy is financially well off, he can afford any lunch or meal and it won’t mean a bloody thing to him. So just because he wants to pay you lunch or take you out doesn’t mean he’s seriously invested in you. I’ve met some who wanted to invite me for dinner but were taken. So you better make sure they’re meeting all the standards at once. But investing over 50€ to 150€ per date makes it less likely that they just want to waste your time. But if you give them your time and attention for free… then that teaches them they need to make no effort whatsoever to have you. Makes them think as well any other man can have you as easily and it makes them insecure… and fumble you. Instead of thinking what a lovely person you are that you’re meeting them without demanding anything in return for your time investment on getting to know them … they’ll think you’re worthless.

Don’t worry, if he’s not asking you out and you choose to ignore him because he’s not meeting this standard he will come back for sure when he realizes you’re not chasing them at all. And then it’s up to you if you want to play them, beat them at their own game or simply ignore them and move on. I personally recommend the last choice.

Keep it innocent but hot AF

If you’re confident though that you’re just looking for a casual hook up please skip to the next standard because then this standard won’t apply to you at all.

Similar thing happened with the following song.

If you aim to have a serious or more lasting loving and committed relationship with a particular man then you need to make that man wait. Yes. Why?

Well, first of all you need to see if you really like that man enough for all he is, and you can’t tell if that man is actually worth your while unless he really has some opportunities to actually display himself in a wide range of real life scenarios so you can see how he interacts with other people, how he treats his mother, the waiting staff and test other character traits and moral values you need to bear in mind for a happy compatible future relationship like: How long can he keep the courtship going? does he make plans for the two of you out of the blue? does he buy you any meaningful gifts? too many too soon? red flag, none at all? red flag as well. In the meantime you can also test him out on patience and respect, like… how well is he handling the fact of not having had any sex yet after a couple of dates or months?

Needless to say, if you feel pressured to have sex, DON’T HAVE IT. The right guy should be respectful of your choice as to when and how and wait for you to feel ready for it. Only have sex when it feels biologically good for BOTH of you to do so.

Don’t let them in your heart too soon either

Whether you want a long term relationship or just a hook up, you ought to think smart. Test him in bed first before making up your mind. Once tested in bed a couple of times and ensured you’ve tasted the full potential, then, and only then you may want to sort of relax and consider whether you like them or not as to keep dating as FWB or committed relationship or nothing at all. This doesn’t mean go and have sex with all men you find attractive or interesting. Obviously not. I would imagine you would only test those who have met all the other standards and have potential for what you really want to find/build in life, and you have no idea how hard it is to find one that actually more or less meets the basic standards I mention in here, imagine how hard it is when you have standards higher than all the basic ones I recommend you in here ;D.

Before you let your emotions and feelings run wild and deep for them as to let them enter your life… you should also contemplate the bigger picture by asking yourself the following questions:

Do you both like the same frequency? are you ok with less? would you easily adapt to his desired amount? are you both open and daring to explore new stuff under the sheets? do you need a lot of foreplay? slow and soft or fast and rough? kinky or vanilla? whatever you like you need to ensure you two are both on the same page. And yes, I seriously encourage you to do so before you get attached emotionally to him at all. Why? It’s easier to let go of a man when you’re objetive with what you truly want and need in bed if he can’t provide it.

And never understimate the importance of great sexual chemistry, it can save your relationship from unfaithfulness in the long run. Although there is no guarantee that amazing sex chemistry will keep you together for life either if other factors don’t add up.

Let the games begin

Most single women just take the first guy that pays them some kind of attention (as if they were male attention starved, and some might be) and for some reason they trust them and get emotionally attached and physically hooked on them too soon. No matter if he’s already in another relationship, no matter if he’s treating her like shit, etc. But trust me, rarely any relationship that starts like this leads anywhere good.

Most women think they can have sex with men and not become emotionally attached to them, but it’s often not that easy for women as it is for men to not get attached.

So unless you’re truly confident you can detach easily from men I don’t recommend following Kylie’s Minogue secret. But if you are confident that you can deal with them probably not caring to see you ever again after having had sex, then just have fun and let the games begin. More about playing games can be read here.

I personally no longer recommend playing games but it’s probably only because I know exactly what I want so I have no time to waste trying to see if they may turn out to be good. Once you know what you truly want and how that looks like more or less in treatment and behaviour… you know better not to play games you could lose.

One night stands / Friends with Benefits

Hehe and if really all you want is occassional sex, regardless with whom Pink! also has standards on how to choose a good one for that purpose with absolutely no sense of shame about it! lol. 

Even for friends with benefits you need to set a standard for how often or how exclusive your encounters will be. Like.. what is the point of having a lover who is miles away and can’t fulfil your needs at least once a week? be objective and clear and talk it all out honestly before you even consider dating such guy again. Unless you’re confident you just want a one off.

And please… even if it’s just a one off…. I would recommend you to refuse to have unprotected sex. Always remember it’s your body that gets pregnant, not theirs, so don’t expect them to care carrying contraceptive methods.

And the second thing to consider: Is it worth catching a sexually transmitted disease just for a one-night stand or a very occassional you know nothing about? is it worth all the embarrasing gyn visits just for a night of fun with a stranger? I believe your health should be MORE IMPORTANT to you than impressing, pleasing, or scaring any guy away by asking for STD blood test. And yes, there are sexually transmitted diseases that the condom doesn’t prevent you from like and some that won’t have physical symptoms so the guys will think they’re healthy, but aren’t. But that’s entirely up to you, but something you should think about depending on how much time you have to spare to go to doctor appointments, paying for treatments, etc.

But be warned, f**kboys are most likely to like you more if you do not give a flying f**k about them after having sex with them. They may have good sex skills and if you ignore them after sex because you just wanted some ocassional sex… but are too busy to carer… they may end up doubting their bed skills and therefore you may end up hurting their delicate male egos by accident and causing potential obsession in them.

So be careful because if they’re immature they may not understand why you’re not chasing them back or trying to have anything to do with them and they may need to get it out of their chest calling you bad names.

Demand Respect

When a man talks to you in a way that seems a bit off right from the start… don’t dare date him again, don’t give them your phone, block him and don’t allow them on your social media. Remember; what you allow will continue. And it usually worsens over time.

Seek for Integrity

I don’t share. Nor do I steal. And I firmly believe a man can’t be stolen without his explicit consent. But if you know he’s taken. If I would you I would do my best to avoid him.

In the past I had been naive enough to think that if a guy hitted on me or was flirting openly with me was because he was single. Needless to say I was terribly wrong. So do your research before you even answer to a “hi” message from a man. And if you can’t do any research because his profile is closed or cryptic… he’s probably up to no good.

Genuine good people don’t have anything to hide. So if you can’t even see his profile pic correctly and he has a weird short name, perhaps he’s using an alter ego account to get his male validation outside his current relationship. Some might not even go that far and do it openly. Up to you. But I wouldn’t want to be their woman… and therefore I don’t even engage with them if I can avoid it a 100%.

Of course, this standard should also be followed by you.

This standard should not be followed just out of respect to their woman that you may or may know exists. But for you. Be bold enough to demand full attention. Not just half. What are you? on sale? Don’t you have any sense of self worth?

By the way, integrity means doing the right thing even when no one is looking. I quite recommend you adding integrity among the desirable traits you need a man to have. You will have way less drama in your life, that’s 100% guaranteed.

I wouldn’t want anyone who cheats on their girlfriend or wife with me. If he cheats on her he could potentially cheat on me. I prefer those who are brave enough to break up their relationships when they notice they feel either too strongly for somebody else or too little for their partners.

Of course, that’s me, and this is up to you. Not all guys are players, some might just happen to be lost or trapped in the wrong relationship and once they get with you they will never ever cheat again. Some may learn from their mistakes, etc. You can be as understanding as you want. But…

Want to get with someone like me? break up first, heal and then….. seek for an opportunity with me. That’s how I would expect someone with integrity and moral values to behave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZUhFqmu4LQ

Make no time for Suckers

When you take your time seriously and you have many goals to accomplish you haven’t got much time left to entertain people who do nothing for you and bring little to no value to your life at all. This song is a great reminder of that.

Here is how to recognize suckers, game players and time wasters! ;D

Make them want to run to the hills

Yeps… I am honest and open and I’m not scared to send them away stating clearly what I want or what I can offer them from the get go. I’m stingy with my time, that’s true for sure. If you only like the brave daring men, then fear not to use this strategy by warning them as in the song below.

And yes, I know it’s easy for me to say the above mostly because I’m more afraid of losing my freedom and of wasting my time than I am of ending up entirely alone.

I think I’ve been wanting to be wild and free for as long as I was 19. Pretty much the time when guys started falling head over heels with me even if they claimed the didn’t want a relationship at all. Those ended up being exclusive the most and some even ended up in marriage. So this time around… I prefer to let them know I’m addictive so they better make their choice whilst they still can.

I am also addictive if I want to make myself addictive. These days I know how to behave to get exactly what I want. So if I wasn’t addictive to any guy reading this here, it’s because I didn’t plan to.

But to the ones I felt like getting hooked… even if I warned them… they do not believe me and hope I’ll end up feeling the same way for them or changing my life goals for them and they end up heart-broken and seriously disappointed when they realize I wasn’t kidding at all when I told them I wasn’t going to change my life goals for them at all.

It’s so bad these days I don’t even bother entertaining anything at all unless I’m 100% confident I want them in my life FOR GOOD. I may have allowed a couple of them if I was completely sure they wouldn’t interfere with my goals at all.

This is not some unique trait about me, by the way, it has happened for friends who did not want a relationship AT ALL. It is bound to happen when you really love yourself enough to be genuine, honest, straight forward, respecting yourself and having all the standards above in place.

You suddenly become like the one who has blown their minds away because they had never experience anything like that in their entire lives. And I don’t mean the sex, which can be mind blowing for them as well but I mean… the fact that a woman is honest, genuine and straighforward.

But when I say I don’t want a serious relationship, I really mean it. Not my fault if they want to fool themselves reading more into my eyes than there really is. Yes, I may like them, even love them but I won’t betray my life goals to keep a man HAPPY when my goals aren’t being met.

If you’re one of my wild women you’ll know it because most of your exes will want you back anytime and any man that you deal with won’t want to get out of your life or lose you and will try to stay in touch in one way or another. But they’ll inevitably lose you when they start slacking or as soon as you keep levelling up and your standards keep getting higher and higher and then they’ll epically fail at keeping you remotely interested in them.

Be as picky as you want

You’re unique and priceless, feel free to take it to another level when it comes to setting up higher standards than these ones. I only listed some basic ones I recommend. But I have much higher ones based on what you truly want out of your life. It’s your future life. You choose what it takes to earn every inch of you.

But what if nobody meets them? what if you end up alone because nobody can meet them? Trust me… ending up alone is not the worst thing that can happen. Settling for average out of the fear nothing better exists… IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. Also.. nothing better can come along if you don’t make room for it to come along.

Challenge them

Be afraid not to lose them making it difficult for them to access you.

If they say they want you but they don’t make actions towards achieving that goal then you need to find creative ways to avoid seeing them until they meet your criteria, if ever.

If they don’t, nevermind how disappointing that they were lying pretending that they cared…. but pat yourself in the back, you’ve just dodged another bullet.

Don’t be so easily impressed

More extended content on this standard clicking on this link.

Choose only among the Winners

So far so good the best men I have ever met were financially secure and/or have worked for themselves. So these days I only entertain winners or no men at all. But well, that’s one of my high standard based on my own financial freedom needs and wants. This doesn’t have to be your standard at all, as long as he’s making you happy with who he is and the things he’s offering to you, staying faithful and all, the money may not be as important. However financially well off men or men who are working on becoming financially free… offer more consistency and stability than broke men who have nothing to lose. Hence why it’s so important you make sure you know what you want and need in life so you can find it easier by setting up standards that will filter out easily all those men who won’t meet them.

Freedom

Nothing belongs to you more than those you give freedom to do whatever they want but keep coming back to you. 😉

And guess what? when an intelligent man finds a woman who lets them have their freedom, their friends, their hobbies, basically a woman who doesn’t make demands on their time, a woman who doesn’t create drama yet takes no bullshit from them, then that woman gets to be the chosen the one for them.

Guys totally dig these women, that’s that something about her that they can’t describe, she most likely doesn’t depend on him at all for validation or anything else. And if you’re a guy with a woman of this kind in mind and you’re clueless on how to get her, please read here tips about what kind of treatment she’s already used to…. because she won’t accept anything less.

 

Is he so amazing he will accept an upgrade?

If you set your standards right from the get go or as soon as you feel a new standard needs to be implemented and that guy is still keeping up with it all…. Congratulations!!!… you may have got yourself a keeper!!.

Perhaps you don’t have the means as Beyoncé does in order to upgrade a guy to purple labels (nor may you be into all that commercial shit she sings about in the song below) but I hope you catch my drift, basically she means make him look better over all..

Oh! and what an amazing evolved and developed man he has to be to be vulnerable enough to admit and accept he can even be better with you than he already thinks he is without you. Most men egos are extremely fragile as to even accept that concept.

Purpose of your life it’s to live a happy fulfilling life… not to find a man

Remember your purpose is to find a way to live happily on your own.

Honestly, forget about men until you find and achieve your purpose.

Trust me… they’ll come and find you when you start shining like gold for fulfilling your goals on your own.

In the meantime, you can set your standards as high as you want to prevent yourself from wasting your time on men when you should be aiming to reach your dream life with or without a man. After all… the only ones worth entertaining will be the ones who meet these standards.

Remember; you don’t need a man… you need yourself.

And don’t forget you also need time for your friends, family, work, hobbies, and projects. So unless he proves he’s fucking amazing you’re better off alone doing you instead of wasting priceless time of your youth and your life entertaining less than what you would like to entertain.

And it’s impossible that once you have all those standards in place you won’t start meeting amazing guys who actually meet such standards.

Be ready to feel conflicted

Your decision to stay single may feel constantly challenged by the men described here. They definitely do exist and they just give you all you could have ever dreamed of, all you could wish for, and all that attention you’ve seen happening in rom-coms and love books.

And resisting or rejecting such a winner and keeper it’s hard, because they’re soooo soooo good they’ll leave you addicted, conflicted and confused. 😛

But if they’re truly all that good in and out of bed perhaps even if you are not looking for a relationship you can entertain them once in a while as long as you don’t get side-tracked from your main goals and other life ambitions.

And even if you feel that they’re interfering with your wanting to give it your all to your business or raising your kids on your own… they’ll always respect your decision and will always be there for you because they admire you and respect you for real. Like the love and adoration is true. Not just faked and not based on selfish needs of their own.