Did they break your heart? did you break your own heart settling for less than you deserve? did they lose you with controlling behaviour or aggressive power moves? did they betray you or disappoint you?
Regardless of the reason, whether it was them or you who left the relationship or decided to take a break, whatever you do, please try to avoid listening to sad romantic love songs.
That’s probably the biggest difference between average people and strong wild ones. The average ones focus on the pain, the wild ones focus on the lesson learnt and all the new opportunities for growth that situation brings.
Here I have added some songs below to focus on getting your attitude and power back as soon as possible so you’ll be able to move on faster. Because indifference and own personal success it’s the best response you can give to those who didn’t know how to treat you right or those who missed your value.
Regardless of who breaks up…. What she does below is usually the first thing I go for. “ohh… ok.. so we’re not together anymore… cool. Let’s call the girls and have a crazy night out to celebrate it”. Well, this was only applicable pre and post corona virus.
And it’s true…. I feel way stronger when I’m alone. So when something ends I receive it well. In fact, I perhaps like being single and left alone way too much and with whatever little excuse I break relationships. Can’t remember last time someone actually dumped me.
And if it was a truly a long bad toxic relationship where they betrayed you and hurt you in a million ways… remember that you ought to thank them for making you the fighter you are now.
And then whenever you fancy you can now start joining new activities or giving new opportunities to those who have been asking one for months now. Why not? I would like to meet new friends, make new connections, have fun and remind myself I’m good and free to do whatever I want.
And yes, I somehow I would end feeling slightly guilty, even if it were them who pulled the plug. But I still go out and do it because I owe it to myself to enjoy my life my way.
Now that you’re single you can have a look at your life, choose what you want to decorate it with, decide on what is missing? and find plenty of ways to rediscover, improve and complete yourself. Make the most to reinvent yourself. Try a new daring outfit, new hairstyle, new attitude, etc.
It’s a chance to start again and feel brand new. You don’t owe anyone staying the way you are. Remember all your hobbies, meet up with more people with similar interests and attitude in life, and have fun hanging out as much as you want. Redecorate your house without having to compromise on anything feels like a joy.
And yes, why not? If someone of your fancy comes your way… enjoy it. Don’t try to control it or make a relationship out of it. Focus on making the most of the magic of the moment, feeling the tension, being witty, fun and flirtatious. Keeping it fresh, fun, exciting and simple. Keep it honest, and if it happens that you both enjoy the company a little bit too much and keep dating, then might be an idea to keep it secret too.
And yes… if they tried to play games only them were going to lose… tough. Nobody is going to mess with this savage… “I’m so sorry that you tried but definitely not sorry that you failed” is what I would say to them .
Because if they threat to go… “then just go, stop talking that talk if you’re not going to walk that walk for real”. When you train someone to do without you more than twice…. hoping she will change her mind, miss you and accept your terms, there is that huge risk that she will learn to like your absence more than she likes your presence.
I’m not into playing mind games but let’s say I have it all figured it out from the get go in order not to lose the ones the games that they could play on me. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.
If they tried to bend your will with their absence and then tried to get you back thinking you needed or depended on them in anyway. It seems they took for granted all joys of being a financially free and emotionally independent woman.
Now they can call it what they want, but that’s “not your problem”.
And if it was them who left you…. let them walk away “they know how…”.
I don’t know about you, but when a guy starts mentioning how it will never end and how much they hate you’re already talking about it possibly finishing and how things could work out eventually.
Oh that makes me want to not even entertain it until tomorrow. Damn, that’s what I hated the most when I was married. How will I want to make it till forever if today is not remotely enjoyable. No thanks. I want a life full of beautiful and exciting memories today. The day we’re living in.
Try to make me stay against my will and you’ll never see me again. Or only for shared responsibilities.
But in any case I believe it’s way better to try and end things in a good and healthy way.
When you agree nicely to end the relationship because for whatever reason is not what you both wanted out of it.. then you can agree to respect your partner’s choice of leaving the relationship now and leave the door open for it to work later in the future or just to have them as a friend or best friend in the future, or at least a cordial relationship.
Honestly, if they don’t let you go when you need to go or you don’t let them go when they need to, then they just wanted to own you or you just tried to own them. Big big difference.
The first one is two confident individual souls loving and supporting each other temporarily for as long as it’s healthy, the other is two insecure individuals expecting the other one to add value to their egos and being toxic.
You can’t force someone to love you or the relationship to go in a way they don’t want it to go or in a way they don’t agree with. To love is to let them go when you realize this is happening.
But if you’re in denial and trying to control them to behave in a certain way so they meet your needs of public approval, then definitely your ego will suffer the loss of what you thought it defined you.
The reasons why I would never talk to an ex again would be if they betrayed me with someone else. Don’t expect me to give a fuck once that happens.
But if on top of that they tried to held me captive after I caught them betraying me or acting dodgy several times. I’m done for good.
And third reason …. if they disrespect my limits and boundaries time and time again.
I don’t want to be in a committed relationship, you said you didn’t want one either. So then it didn’t make sense that you get angry and mad when you start demanding things that should only be happening in serious committed relationships. So, either you’re lying and you wanted a serious relationship or you fell in deeper than you thought you would, but either way, that’s never what I had in mind to have.
And if they can’t respect that I won’t do sacrifices for them because that’s why I don’t want a relationship, up to you. But power moves like blocking and then coming back as if nothing has happened are not my way of dealing with people. Unless, they crossed my boundaries way too many times.
If they want to play games and risk losing you, let them win at losing you. And move on. Karma will have a kiss for them when they come back to their senses.
Thank them and move on to next… and next… should be you.
I think best thing to do after a break up is actually taking some time to realign with yourself and your life goals. Try to learn the lesson behind that failed relationship and grow from it. But of course, going out and having fun too.
And if relationship isn’t over and all hope is not lost. Then still take the time to think… is this what you really want? is this relationship headed on the right direction? and most importantly… does it imply to stop being the way you are? Because if they expect you to change or do sacrifices you’re not ready to do for them perhaps you’re in the wrong relationship already.
I’m at that point in that nothing in the world will change me. Not a millonaire yet but at least I’m doing enough to sustain my own life without having to do sacrifices for anyone.
Improving yourself at all levels wherever necessary. And if sooner or later they resent and regret the fact that you’re way better off alone… well, that’s a nice plus but really not the goal!
Don’t do anything for revenge, do it for personal growth. The results will be more satisfying and everlasting. And you’ll be at peace with yourself knowing you mean no evil. You’re simply growing and evolving and levelling up.
And yes… the can talk whatever they want…I’ll keep shaking it all off..
I don’t know about you but I think earning your own money brings a certain satisfaction and freedom that can’t be compared to anything. So unless you find the kind of love that you are looking for… make the most of this single time to work on your financial goals.
And then when you have that attitude….you’ll be most likely irresistable, so enjoy the fact that you’re single to take full advantage of being free to explore all possibilities to earn your living. ;D
And start levitating…
Or keep focused on your personal goals and hobbies. Travel alone, discover yourself.
Being single is not synonym of being rejected, being bored or living a lonely life. Don’t let it be so. Make of being single the time of your like, make something fashionable. And if they call you a bitch for moving on so fast…. oh well. Show them what a bad bitch you are.
I don’t last single alone for too long, but when I am it’s because my standards are too high to entertain anything less than an amazing relationship in which I can feel free and respected at all levels.
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